Maybeshewill

 

Updates

Got my blood tests back, I didn't see anything that panicked me too much. My testosterone levels are really low - lower than people I know who are on on blockers !

I've submitted them to GenderGP , along with a request for a treatment review and my preference for blocker (Cyproterone)  , and Progesterone, along with an increase in Oestrogen dosage. Will see what they suggest, and probably run it though everyone I know to make sure it sounds sensible too :)  . Already had one friend advise not to bother with the blocker due to mental health issues !

I expect I won't hear back for at least a week.

I made the decision to press the big red 'Full time' button last weekend.

I've had 16 copies of a deed poll printed off, and will be taking them to Chams tommorow to get that witnessed. They are on posh 250gsm paper, and look very nice. Even bought some nice pens to sign them with.

Not composed an email to my boss yet, perhaps get that sorted over the weekend.

Had a chat with my wife to ensure she knew what I was planning, went quite well, no tears. I'm sure she expected it sooner or later.

Not told my parents yet. With my dad's health issues, we will likely need to get their wills updated. Will do that in person. 

I feel quite relaxed about the whole thing now, making the decision was more stressful than going through with it I think. It's a bit of a weight off.

Laser

Had my appointment on Tuesday lunch time, I went to the office with a women's t-shirt on, nobody seemed to notice.

The owner of the laser place I use had unfortunately seriously burnt her hand with some wax, and may be out of commission for some time. Luckily she had a friend who runs a salon in Sheffield who has stepped up to take on her appointments for the next few months.  

She was really nice, and did a really thorough job - not that my usual lady didn't but there were things she did that were different, and was pleased she had done them. She got me to stick my tongue in the corners of my mouth to stretch the skin around that area that is normally creased - really get to those parts you would miss otherwise. 

I've finished my last block of full face now, and i don't have a lot of dark hair on my face other than the chin and upper lip, so I bought a block of 6 chin and lip , which was £250 , a lot cheaper than full face.

She said I what I had left on my torso sessions would 100% clear it all, a lot of the hair I have on my tummy is actually dead and will come out if I exfoliate more.

Exercise

I took Josephine to my swimming session on the 12th of May, not been for a run, as I hurt my foot - see social activities.

Did manage to go for a 9km walk last Sunday though ( 19th of May)

Other Activities  - Saturday 18th

Trans-portation 

My first en-femme vehicle recovery - achievement unlocked !!! .  I have had a tow start, and a push start before, but never a full recovery. At least six people stopped, everyone was really friendly and helpful, and didn't bat an eyelid at me being trans ! I was most pleased with this !

Leeds - Meal out + Music gig

After returning home on the back of the truck, I quickly changed, and drove my other car into Leeds. I was meeting my friend Charlotte for a meal, and then we were going to a music gig at the Brudenell
Social club (http://www.brudenellsocialclub.co.uk).

I was a bit flustered -and warm toom it was a hot day. Attempting to get to a car park near 'The light' without going through a bus gate didn't help. I parked near John Lewis and walked in the end.

Met up with Charlotte near the light, and then we had a short mooch around the art gallery for a bit, as we were there too early for our reservation at Prezzo's.

There there were a few new exhibits, but nothing that really excited me.

We wandered the short distance to the restaurant, and got a nice table inside.  I had a fab goats cheese pizza, and stole a couple bit of calamari from Charlotte. I think she had a salmon dish. The drinks were not that cheap.

By the time we had paid, it was getting near to 7pm so we decided to go straight to the Brudenell, as the bar is open pre-gig, and also the parking is only on-street there, so better to get there early.

We had a drink, then headed to the room our bands were in - there were two rooms, one had another set of bands on. The support act was on first, but we missed a lot of that as the queue to get our wrist bands, can't remember their name.

Next was Bossk, who were very 'shouty' , I liked the music though, but couldn't make out a lot of the lyrics. 

Maybeshewill was the final band, they were much more to my liking, mostly instrumental, and quite euphoric in style.  I really enjoyed , and have been listening to more songs this week.

Also I was trying out some 'Loop' earplugs, which are more noise limiting than blocking, and worked marvellously !  I have issues with one of my ears buzzing in high volume environments - these are a game changer. Wish I had been using them longer.

Charlotte drove me back to the car park I was in, and luckily was able to get back out without having to pay anything. Then I headed back, I was home before midnight.

I was a very nice day indeed.

Performance reliability alert

 

Bloods

Went for blood tests on Friday, I am very bad with these, and invariably faint. I didn't disappoint the lovely nurses - I make sure to pre-warn, and ask to be laid down. I take full fat coke with me to give me a boost afterwards too.

It went as expected, got through giving the sample but drifted off while holding some water they gave me afterwards. I didn't spill too much on myself though.  

They got the fan out, and tempted me with a biscuit, but I declined and had the coke instead.  Once I was sure I could walk, I told them I would sit out in the waiting area for a bit. They checked on me a few times, and I made sure to let them know I was OK to go. They were all fantastic, I had 4 in the room at one point 🤣

I had been pacing the streets of Barnsley as I was an hour early getting there, and had spied a greasy spoon with a good breakfast deal, so I decided to go there and have a fry up before driving anywhere. It was a fasting blood test, so I hadn't had breakfast.  It wasn't a bad one, had a tea and another coke with it too.

I had pre-planned to go to my parents afterwards - but not told them in case I wasn't up to it. I had bought them gifts at Whitby a few weeks ago, some assorted liquorice sweets, and dried root for my dad, and some hand made soap for my mum. I also had some lemon sherbets, and a book on Barnsley trains to give to my dad as well.  I had popped into the market to buy some fresh pork pies for them as well.

Got there fine - the cotton wool swab over my needle mark was a good way for me to update them on the fact I was on hormones. The boobs got a mention, my mum had noticed 'changes'.  My dad said nothing, but they were all still friendly with me. Hugged my mum , and shook my dad's hand as I left - didn't feel like any issues had been caused. It felt good that they were now fairly UpToDate with my plans. 

My dads health issues had meant I had not been wanting to tell them, and their line of questioning on 'trans things' was fairly limited as it would seem not much research has been done !

I am not sure when I will get the tests, I think my doctor's will upload them to their patient portal, then I can forward to GenderGP. Well after frantically checking what the Liver Function Results likely mean. My frequent over consumption does worry me.

Anyway it was a productive morning, in the afternoon I did some adulting, then headed off to Wakefield to visit a friend, described later.

Blog title inspired by - The Murderbot Diaries  a fab series of Sci-Fi books, which I binge listened to on Audible a while ago. The bot gets reliability alerts when not doing so well due to emotional or physical damage. 

Adventures 

Leeds First Friday

I was in the mood to blow off some steam. I had a very pleasant afternoon. I sought food at '5 Guys' as Pie minster wasn't open yet. 

Then met up with Lexi and Ann. We tried  'The Tetley' first which was originally the brewery head office, then recently an art gallery, and has now been re-opened as a pub run by Kirkstall brewery.  

Then headed off to do our Pints and Straws event. We did Friends of Ham, Head of Steam, and Tapped after this.  

I was in pentagram fishnets, and my new boots - this was a silly idea, and my heels blistered badly. I swapped to some different boots for the evening but the damage was done.   

I had a pizza in Tapped, then headed back to my room to change for the evening.  In keeping with the goth look, I changed into a black dress with a star print on it.  

I did Blayd's with Oliva , then we headed to the Bridge End Social for the main event.

Did some schmoozing in there, and was introduced to a new girl - Charlotte, who was at her first LFF. We ended up back at the Tetley after this, with a group of perhaps 8-10 of us. It was getting towards midnight when we left there.

It went a bit downhill after this, I said I was going to 'The End'  first, and a Charlotte and a few others came with me.  Ended up consuming far too many 'two for £12' cocktails, did some dancing for a while. I have a vague memory of going to the Smokestack after this, apparently I was having trouble paying for things in there, and my friend Alex bought some drinks for me - while attempting to get me to have water instead.

I got Charlotte back to her hotel safely apparently - and managed to get back to my own room (no memory of this).  

I was still tipsy first thing, so Bella my room mate got me some coffee and croissants, and set my phone to go off at 11am so I could get dressed before checkout time, and headed off. 

Spent a painfully long time wandering around Leeds waiting to feel human enough to drive. I nipped to boots for some blisters plasters, then visited a park, witnessed a trade union march near the art gallery, and drank a pot of tea in the Tetley. 

I think it was about 3pm before I was home - the drive was fine, I didn't feel impaired in any way. I was pretty tired though, so went straight to bed when I got home !

 

Chams 

This was the night before the bloods - I didn't go, I knew I would be up early to take the kids to school, then head into Barnsley for the blood tests, so I told Ann it was unlikely I would go. Sounds like I missed out on some antics, and Jaffa Cakes.

Leeds Second Friday 

This was in the afternoon/evening after the blood tests.

My friend Benni was up in Wakefield to sort some things on her house, she would normally have been
at LFF, but things had not gone to plan.  We decided to meet up and have a few drinks while she was up here.  We were originally going to head into Wakefield, but I had got to her house quite early, and there was a train heading into Leeds in 15 minutes , and we were able to get a taxi to the station very quickly.

It was a really warm day, high humidity too, I had chosen to wear a summery dress with sandals and  was very glad.  The train was quite oppressive inside, was most glad to get off it ! 

We had a drink in Friends of Ham, then headed off to Las Iguanas for food. I had a Mexican tasting
platter. It was a bit hot, but I enjoyed it. We had a fairly tame cocktail - only because we could share the 2 for 1 offer.

Then we did Tapped, before heading out of our normal area to the north of the city centre.

First to the Belgrave Music hall & Canteen, which made us feel ancient, the average age must have been sub 20 !  Then to a little place next door, which I can't find the name for. Really nice décor in there. 

Then onwards to 'Howl Bar'  (A goth/rock place) where I felt totally out of place, much rather be a goth in a normal pub, than in a floral dress in a rock place ! This place had lots of pro-trans graffiti in the ladies loo's which was fab, and almost made up for standing in pee in sandals 😂 

It was getting late, and we didn't want to miss the train, so headed back towards the station. We did have a bit of time to spare in the end though so popped into the Brewery Tap for a final half, then to the Sainsburys in the station to buy a sandwich and water to finish the evening off with.

The last train back was lively, but not as mad as it can be apparently, it was quite a good atmosphere. We got a taxi the short distance back to my friends, and I was in bed by midnight.

Canal Side Walks

In the morning we decided to go for a walk along the canal to a pub for brunch.  It was a really sunny morning, so made sure to put plenty of sun cream on - I have laser in a few weeks, can't get any sun really. 

Took about an hour for us to walk there, lots of friendly people about, one boat captain pointed out a mink that was moving her young. 

We had a nice brunch at the pub, then walked back to my friends where we said goodbye. She has 12,000 steps on her watch, and she's a bit taller than me, so I may have got more.

I was back home early afternoon.  Unfortunately I've added to my blister collection, not bad ones, but on the bottom of my heels - sandals were a bad idea.

In the afternoon I didn't really do much.  Set up my 360 camera to try and get some footage of the northern lights later, but having reviewed the footage today it was too bright here to see anything.

If there is another chance I may drive out to the woods and do it from there. 

Going swimming later hopefully, although a bit sniffly at the moment, on some cold pills.

Vampir - part 2

It was getting late, so I decided to end the previous post and go to bed :)

Saturday the 27th : Back in York 

We headed to York after lunch in Whitby.  Managed to find a different car park to the one I had been in previously, that was now on a closed road. 

This one also had a charging point, but it seems it was going to be twice as expensive to park as the station one, but we were only there a day. 

We headed to the Premier Inn, and managed to get in a side door as another resident had her key on her. We checked in, got changed and then headed out fairly swiftly, as we didn't really have a lot of shopping time left in the day. I put on a tartan style hell bunny dress, as I had done enough goth for the weekend :)

We ambled about for a bit, did the Shambles, the market and popped in a few places - Yorkshire Soap Company was one Bella was interested in finding.  We headed back to the hotel afterwards, stopping in a record shop/café on the way back, who told us they were doing music bingo later.  

We were out for food fairly quickly, and spotted a pizza and craft ale place within sight of the hotel, so we popped in. The pizza was amazing, and they had some nice beer too. 

After this we walked a short distance back towards the centre, and found another bar that looked good.
They has some nice beer on too the 'Micklegate Social'.  We ended up sat on a table with a lovely middle aged couple, and had a really nice chat with them both.

The husband had recently had a run in with a trans person in a mosh pit, he had banged into someone, assumed their gender and been assaulted for it !  But it seems from what he said it was a mistake and they didn't really deserve what they got. So it was nice to provide some balance to their view on trans people.  We talked about music, and books and other things, it was very nice.  

They even invited us to come to a gig they were going to shorly - but it was 'Afrobeats' a style that is not likely my thing, and we didn't want to pay £15 each to go if I wasn't going to like it.

So we headed to the music bingo instead - which turned out to be very popular, we got the last couple of seats available, right next to the DJ.  We had missed a lot of the earlier songs, but some really friendly women came and dabbed all the songs we had already missed, so we were up to date, and contenders for the prizes - they organiser had pre-warned us they were crap ones, and it was more about having fun :)

Bella ended up getting a square, and won a bag with the shop logo on it :)   -  she got pulled up to dance with some of the ladies too.  It was  really fun event, and would go back again for sure !

After this we walked further into town and went to some of the pubs I had been to with Alice the previous week.   We didn't stay out too late.

The next day we popped along to 'Partisan'  which was a bakery that also did fab breakfasts.  Ended up
sitting in a big heated tent out the back.  We had chosen some seats near a heater, and close to a couple of American tourists.  I thought they were going to blank us, but after a short while we ended up in conversation, and spent a good while talking to them about their lives and where they lived, and what they had seen over here so far.

The breakfast was lovely too - served in a cast iron pan !  It was raining and cold though, so we decided just to head off back to mine, as there was little point staying in York.

Got back before lunch, and Bella retrieved her car and headed back home.

Sunday the 28th : LGBTQ+ Swimming at Bramley baths 

This was the more lively of the sessions - got talking to Alex in the foyer (LFF attendee)  , and also to a
woman who was intrigued by my mention of the goth weekend. Advised her to try and find some accommodation soon ! 

I have stopped counting lengths, but I managed to do a fair few I think.  Was very hungry on my return.

Wednesday the 1st of May :  More En femme running 

I didn't bother with the boobs this time, as they just got a bit sweaty, and didn't feel as good as running without.  

Didn't bother with much makeup either - I was fairly happy that I looked delightfully ambiguous at worst :) 

Did quite a good time, averaging 6.85km / hour, and seemingly didn't manage to injure myself !

Vampir - part 1

News / Thoughts

Blood tests are booked in Barnsley for the morning of the 10th of May - armed with these I can ask Gender GP to increase my dosage, assuming everything looks good !

My boss left unexpectedly the other week, this along with some other redundancies has meant I have not felt nearly as secure in my employment as I had previously. I am quite sure I am safe for the moment, but my new boss (who still has not spoken to me at all)  has always seemed rather cold and distant. They are/were both male. 

I thought for a moment I might hit the jackpot and end up under one of the female directors, who I have got on with quite well, but no luck.

I was hoping to perhaps come out of work, but this has all thrown my self confidence somewhat, and is a bit of a setback.  

The fabulous news about the NHS charter, the U-Turn by Starmer, and the Cass report hasn't exactly cheered me up either.

On a more positive note I am liking the way my figure is coming along, if the boobs keep growing at this rate, and I can manage to shrink my tummy then my torso will be sorted in a year :)  - this will also force me to come out too. Much easier to be asked than to proactively schedule an awkward call. I am not local to anyone who I would end up under.

I should be out at Trans-Wakefield tonight, but I really just can't be bothered, it's LFF tommorow and I will get to see a lot of my friends.

Executive summary of my adventures :

So since my last post , I have done the following :

• Sunday the 14th : Trans Swimming at Bramley baths - took Josephine
• Friday the 19th :  A stay at a Premier Inn in York, with my friend Alice.  A day spent shopping, and drinking, and eating, and going up 'Cliffords Tower'.  
• Saturday the 20th : I went running En femme again, this time with my new shorts !  
• Thursday the 25th : Chameleons, a fun evening getting to know some of the girls a bit better. 
• Friday the 26th :  Whitby Goth weekend with Arabella.
• Saturday the 27th : Back in York again for another day/evening with Arabella.
• Sunday the 28th : LGBTQ+ Swimming at Bramley baths 
• Wednesday the 1st of May :  More En femme running 

Needlessly long and rambling log of my adventures  :

Sunday the 14th : Trans Swimming at Bramley baths 

I decided to take Josephine as I really want to get as many miles on her as possible before the long trip to south of Birmingham at the end of June, and make sure all as well.  

She drove nicely, and I arrived in plenty of time.  The swimming session itself was rather subdued, it's not really a chatty crowd. But I got some lengths in. Nothing too much else to report !

Friday the 19th :  York

Alice had a day off, and I had said would be fun to join her, she was thinking of going somewhere she hadn't done a lot of, and York was decided upon.  

Got there pretty early, it was raining and was glad I had remembered a brolly. We had a fab hot chocolate in a café opposite one of the museums.  They used proper eating chocolate, and you could sample from a whole range of them.  I think I went for a Peruvian one.  I made to sure to ruin the days of my hot chocolate connoisseurs by requesting oodles of cream, marshmallows and sprinkles. 

We did a few shops, and then ended up in the Market Cat for lunch (sister pub of the Bankers Cat we frequent in Leeds). Had a nice pizza in there, then did the Shambles - got some 360 video of that. We did some more pubs :

• Shambles Tavern
• The Blue Bell   - Tiny Edwardian place, no swearing or phone use allowed !
• The Hop York  (Osset Brewery)

I was a bit tipsy, and we stumbled into the 'York Designer Dress Agency' where I bought a pair of brand new knee high Doc Martens, that seemed like a steal, but I later found out were on offer for the same price online.  

After this I think we did Clifford's tower, which is a big stone tower on top of a large grass covered mound. We are both English Heritage members so it was free. I had forgotten my card, but they can look you up on your name now. I had to out myself to get in, but the lady was pretty cool :)

We did a coffee in a Starbucks, then headed back to the hotel to change for the evening. We had booked a meal at a nice grill place for that. It was called the 'Corner Grill House' but it wasn't actually on a corner. They served really nice food though, I had lamb and Alice had a steak.  Was very good value, and nicely cooked.  

One of the women who worked there was convinced she had seen up somewhere before, but it seemed unlikely.   After eating we decided we should do some more pubs - it wasn't going to be a late night, so we only did a few more.  I think  'The Last Drop inn' was the one we finished on, towards the end of the shambles. We were both back in the hotel before 11pm.

I didn't hang about in the morning, the bridge next to the station was being demolished, and my car was sort of stuck in the station car park, I had to be escorted offroad down some gravel path to get out.  Was back home before 10am. 

Saturday the 20th : Running

I did 6.8km, with an average speed of 6.61km/h (including warm up/down).  

I was trying out some new shorts and a top I got from amazon, as the weather was getting a bit warm for the jogging bottoms.

(Photo is not me unfortunately, it's from the Amazon shop)

I had a blue running t-shirt on, my grey running cap and lightweight running jacket.  Did a bit of makeup, mainly brows and covering the beard shadow area.

   

Thursday the 25th : Chameleons

I had fun gothing up for this one, I was going to Whitby the day after, but it had been some time since I practised anything other than my usual going out look. 

Getting there was painfully slow, as the sections of 50Mph limit seemed to have been extended again, but at least I did well with the miles per KW ! 

Was great to catch up with Ann, and also spend some time talking to Abby and another Ann who I hadn't talked much with before.  

Did end up sat next to the older lady who has travel issues, i tried to make an effort to speak to her, but was quite hard going, and had my back to her for a fair bit of the night. Got home just after midnight I think. 

Friday the 26th :  Whitby Goth weekend

My friend Arabella was going to drive to my house (from Blackpool) , leave her car at mine, and then I would do the driving for the weekend. Partly to save on cost, but parking is at a premium on these event weekends, and I can steal an EV space.  

Got stuck behind a tractor on the moors for what seemed like an eternity, but we did eventually get to Whitby by about 3pm. Both of us needed the loo, but we were parked at the sports centre which houses the larger gothic market so we were able to gain relief quickly.  I did have to sit in the car downloading the charging app, as it had been updated since I was last there.

We had a mooch around the stalls, got some nice photo's of me, and then headed to the hotel to check in. It was 'The Royal' which is right next to the Whalebones.  Room was pretty good, and we had a sea view too.

I needed food, so after heading out and walking half way around the town and not seeing anything that nice, we ended up at the 'Abbey Wharf' which is sort of Weatherspoon-ish, but not one.  The food was actually really nice. I had a pint of stones bitter - not something I have had in ages, didn't know they did it. Wasn't too bad at all !

We did some wandering up and down the shops on the Abbey side of the river, got some cakes and scones for later, then went back to the hotel to change.  

Upon re-emerging from the hotel, we did the 'Arch & Abbey' bar, where I got a pint of 'Bitter' from a Welsh brewery, they were very original with their naming.  Arabella got a message from a friend to say there was a group of LFF's at large on the other side of the river.  So we ended up heading back to the 'Abbey Wharf' where there were four familiar faces.

I only knew one of them to talk to, but I did chat to a couple of the others - music was very loud in there though.  After this we tried unsuccessfully to find another pub still serving on that side, so ended up at the cocktail bar we had been at in October.  I had a long island iced tea, it was very nice.  It was getting late, so this was the last drink.  

I tried to get some chips on the way back, but the fast food place was only accepting cash and we had none.

Slept pretty well, and was up and showered for 8:30 ish.  I took a while to put my makeup on, so it was past 9:30 by the time I was ready to pack my bags and put them in the car. 

We checked out, then headed to the gothic market in the church that we hadn't done yet. On the way we popped into a touristy type shop, and I got some assorted liquorice sweets, and dried roots for my dad. He really likes it. 

At the gothic market I got a fab cat necklace, and some soap for my mum.

We went for brunch after this, to a lovely 50's style dinner "Emma's Diner" . The ladies serving looked amazing, had really nice dresses on. The food was pretty good, it took a while to come out, but they were rammed - a queue had formed outside while we were in.

The weather wasn't doing so good, so we sat and watched the torrential downpour while we ate. 

Did a few more charity shops after eating, but we figured might as well head to our next destination (York) as the weather didn't look like it would improve.

To be continued ..............