Minor triumphs

Chameleons  

It had been yet another busy week, I had some minor triumphs at work late on Wednesday, and Thursday morning I was in a very good mood, and really looking forward to getting to Chams later that evening. Not that I don't always look forward to going, but I was really in the mood to go that day.

I had hunted for my outfit the previous night, rummaging through the piles on the floordrobe , and picked out a number of options. I went with Leather look leggings, a purple Darth Vader T-shirt, my biker boots, leather jacket and platinum blonde wig. I was really pleased with the look - I don't normally do leggings, or even jeans outside the house, as I fear bumps showing where there should be none. 

I think that side of things was OK, although the detail at the bottom of my shapewear did show though if you really looked.

It was a good night, we had marshmallows and hot chocolate, and Debbie had brought buns for her birthday, I ate two because I'm an Heffalump, and they are allowed two :)

Joanna seemed to be really happy, and seemed to be connecting will with a new person, swapping Youtube channel names they both seemed to mutually enjoy. It was nice to see, and hopefully they will be back.

The drive back was uneventful, I had charged at the church. I did a few photo's for Insta when I got home as didn't feel too tired.

The Weekend  

I had meant to be going for a drink with my brother on the Friday night, but he messaged to tell me he was ill.  I'm not sure if my mum has hinted to him, well it seems likely. I haven't told him yet, I wasn't in a rush to really. I think it will be a month before we get another night where we are both free.

I could have gone out to Wakefield, but didn't fancy it, so I stayed in.

Saturday morning I finally got my Morris Minor to the point where I could rope the wife into helping me bleed the brakes - I am putting a disc brake conversion kit on.  

It went well, and I did a 12 miles test drive in the afternoon, and it stopped when I pressed the peddle !! It's neen ages since I had been out in it. I did probably shorten myself by an inch going over a speed bump at 30 , the rear leaf springs are well past their prime, that's the next job.

In the evening I celebrated with a nice bottle of low alcohol red wine sourced from the co-op, it was lovely, then a bath with some candles and a bit of Amazon Music. 

Today I have done a spot of work, well just an hour. then I went for a 6km run. 

On my return I did some housework and put the slow cooker on - today's creation includes sprouts and PEK (which not many people seem to have heard of). 

I also saw these boots today that I totally should never buy, but I shall dream of owning :

This week is a 4 day one, with LFF on the Friday, bouncing to go on this again. Thursday will be Trans-Wakefield where there will be a talk about our leaders transition. It will be at the 'Our House' venue again. 

 

Addendum

Forgot to mention that my boss mentioned that my hair was longer every time he saw me when we had our weekly call. Wonder how much comment I will get at the big company wide meeting in the 2nd week of Feb !

The Enemy Within

Monday brain dump - the time of writing 

I was very angry to hear of the cross dressing flasher in Nottingham who had been posting pictures of themselves online.  Link to Story. 

I go out around Nottingham, I've used the House of Frazer loo's next to that Café (they were horrible), I park in that shopping centre car park. Even putting the reputational damage on a wider scale to one side, what is it going to do for local safety of those that go out around Nottingham now.

I mean there is never a good time for a story like this to come out, but right now is not ideal. There is enough on at the moment. Seems like trans people are being used as a pawn to fight other battles. Likely to lose out whatever happens.

I've had to unfollow someone on Insta this morning who showed a very partially obscured pic of their member. There is so much ammunition floating about on the internet for critics to find.

It's all very depressing, I've got cold feet enough about what to do at the moment, lots going around my head, and this is just more negativity to skew the internal debate. 

Such topics include the firm favourites "Was this all a huge mistake" , "Is it time to slam the handbrake on ?" -  not likely to be filling any bin bags soon, but the hair growing feels like I am being more obvious than ever before, I've got a big work do coming up, the parents in law are here in Feb, and there are clippers upstairs....

On the flip side my positive voice was contemplating gender GP on my weekend walk.

Previous Thursday - Trans Wakefield

Phillipa wasn't there, and I didn't really seem to get going with social interaction, I spoke a bit with Christine the leader. It was still nice, but I do find it a lot easier when Philippa is there. No sign of the trans man who I met a month ago ish ? They were nearer my age and I found them easy to talk to. 

I didn't do the quiz, but did have some cheesy chips, I wasn't hungry until everyone else's orders started coming and the smell got me.

It was nice to be dressed properly again, it had been a few weeks, what with the laser messing up the first Chams of the year, and the weekend after it. 

Friday Afternoon - a visit to a gallery

I was on leave, and raring to go out somewhere, but I didn't have a firm plan. 

By the time I had got ready it was past midday, and my tummy dictated it should have a nice café. 

So I decided on a local art/sculpture gallery - 'The Hepworth'.  

I walked from the car park , over the canal bridge and past the window for the galleries café, noting that it seemed very busy in there. Seems there was a private event starting at 1:30, using up the whole of gallery 3.  It used to be free entry, but they have started charging for those outside Wakefield, the chap seemed a bit flustered, not sure if it was due to me, but got my ticket sorted anyway.

They had a weird system, menu's on the table, but nothing at the counter, so I ordered a hot chocolate first then sat down to peruse the menu. Got myself some posh toast with jam and butter, it had been soaked in tea I think, had fruit in it. It was nice. 

Went  upstairs to the galleries and had a good look around - except for the one I couldn't get in. 

There was a photographer Hannah Starkey exhibiting with some really good prints that were blown up
on big aluminium panels. Really enjoyed those, there were some more abstract and weird things kicking about that really didn't connect with me at all. 

It's not a big place, so I wasn't there that long, but it was nice to get out and see the photo's. I got back around 3pm.

Friday Evening - Nottingham Invasion

I had a bite to eat, then put some eye shadow and changed my outfit for the evening. I prefer the platinum blonde wig for looking more eye catching on a night out. 

I tried on a few outfits, but settled on the black Quiz bodycon dress with the Diamante details. Tried it with the biker boots and leather jacket, was quite pleased with the combo.

Managed to get down to Nottingham for 7:45 ish, and plugged my car in at the Victoria Centre north car park as normal, and walked to the pub.  Ann had arrived shortly before me, and Simone was there too, so I had people to talk to.  

A new girl (new to Invasion) came over and I got talking with her for a bit, possibly I had seen her at Leeds before, but I don't recall ever speaking to her, she was really nice. 

They were giving out free shots at the bar, I could only really have one drink, so I had one of those and a shandy early on. Not sure what it was, didn't taste too bad, but not going to get in the habit. 

It was past 9pm and Simone called next bar, and myself Jean and Ann headed off towards the Lord Roberts. We found a nice corner in there and had a good chat for a while. Some of the others eventually made it over, and joined us. They were a bit more merry, but was still fun. Had some crisps and a few alcohol free ales , and we headed off back to the Foresters when they were kicking out. 

It was quite cold , the jacket was a poor choice, style over practicality. I had a coke in the Foresters to wake me up a bit more, and then said my goodbyes. I think i was just after midnight perhaps when I left. I got home before 2am.  Didn't need to charge on the way back.

It was really nice to get to know Jean a bit better, and to chat with other new people - and obviously catch up with Ann, so a pretty successful night really. 

Saturday and Sunday

Saturday I did very little, was quite tired from the late night on Friday, I did a bit of tinkering in the car, some housework, that's about it. My wife had hurt her back, so didn't suggest going out anywhere. 

On Sunday I started a slow cooker spicy sausage casserole in the morning, had a slimfast for lunch, and then headed out on a walk. It was just over 12km, around New Miller Dam lake, stopping off for a nice Mocha at the café on the lake.

The first half of the walk I was listening to my audiobook, narrated by the lovely Sophie Aldred - she is really very good. After the café I left the book alone, did some pondering, nice to not have any distractions. 

Was contemplating the question of signing up for gender GP. It will take a long time for hormones to have much effect, and I know of a few who have abandoned them fairly quickly because of issues. I wonder if it is worth a try. Maybe I am not in the right place yet. 

 

Give me fuel, Give me fire, Give me that which I desire

 

The title is a lot more exciting than the week was - it came on the radio just as I was nearing Tibshelf to charge on the way home from Chams :)

Not much to report really.

Got a bit of post event come down in the early week, but my workload took my mind off that pretty quickly. 

Managed to go for a run on Wednesday lunchtime, did a bit more walking that I would have hoped, but the wind on my face, and cool air in my lungs did wonders for my mood.

Lazors

Thursday, my laser session - handy tip for anyone doing it, if you are going to stick to a 4 week interval, make sure you do your first week in one that is going to convenient for you for the duration of the treatment !!  

The 2nd week seems like it was a bad idea, not being able to dress for some of the groups I go to is a non-optimal state of affairs. Then again, 3rd week might interfere with Invasion, and 1st week with LFF, so perhaps I had little choice. The place I go to doesn't do Mondays - that would be the best day as most groups are on Thursdays, and socials on Fridays, it's it's 3 days you are meant to wait till shaving.

Chameleons 

So Thursday night was Chameleons, I couldn't shave or wear makeup, so didn't fancy traveling dressed, so chucked some boobs a bra and a wig in a bag figuring I could at least make some effort to fit in.

There will be no photographic evidence of this :)

Joanna was in need of trans-uber, so after failing to charge at Tibshelf on the way down (connector out of service), I drove over her way to pick her up. Unfortunately my phone had not sent the message informing her of my ETA, so when I arrived at the pickup point she hadn't known to set off. 

But it was only a short drive to pick her up from her friends. We arrived at Chams in good time, and I plugged into the church charge point.

Inadvertently made a hybrid tea and hot chocolate on arrival which I found most amusing, didn't taste too bad, but not sure it will catch on.

There was a fairly good turnout, two new people who I really didn't get much chance to talk to - but hoping they will be back. Spoke with Maria for a bit, and Stevie - not spoken to her before, really into their music, an impressive collection of keyboards. 

Can't say I enjoyed not looking my best, but it was better than being in bloke mode for sure. Took a few photos towards the end, and left just before 11 I think. 

Dropped Joanna back home, then headed north, stopping off at Tibshelf for 15 mins for a bit of boost on the way back.

Friday

Hot Chocolate with cream
TGI Fridays

Decided to treat the family for a meal out at TGI Fridays in Barnsley -  Increased Izzy time had left me less motivated to go out with them over the past year. Something I want to try to re-balance heading into this one.

It's not that I don't want to be with them, but if I go out a couple of times a week as Izzy my social quota feels fulfilled. I'm just not that fussed about going out in man mode. Some of the girls are out every night, don't know how they manage it !

I had steak , ribs and king prawns, and a hot chocolate to finish with - well and bit of the kids puddings as they ordered ones much too large for themselves.

It goes against the diet really, but I will make up for it over the weekend with a run.

I was also going to complete the brake installation on the Morris Minor, but the parts haven't arrived this morning, so seems it will be next weekend for that.

Progress bar

One week done, 51 remaining, the progress bar for the year sits at 2%

Early Week

New years day I was bitten by a dog, hopefully not a rabid one, although frantic googling suggests it is only present in bats in the UK. Didn't seem to get through my coat anyway. I didn't pause to get for a selfie with it.

On Monday I was feeling really sorry for myself, partly the dog, partly having to go back to work the next day, and also the question of what to do this year in terms of transness, what is the goal, do I even need a goal. 

I did come to the conclusion that I perhaps I should try to be more healthy, not just with food and exercise, but with my social life and online activities. 

Insta for example, I don't think is as healthy for my mental state as I had one thought, I am exposed to too much kink on there, I've followed people back who have been liking my photo's and well their content isn't what I want to be associated with. I have made some good friends on there, so I don't want to stop, just perhaps be more selective. 

I wasn't quite paralysed with it all, I did get some things done, washed my two main wigs - they turned out to be pretty filthy, really grey water afterwards. 

Tuesday wasn't too bad at work, Wednesday felt more stressed. I decided I also best get on the scales, see what the damage xmas had done, and after they wished me a happy new year (smart scales) , they told me the bad news, 75KG, which is +2Kg on late last year.

Did some weight loss googling, think I have a plan.

Thursday - Trans Wakefield 

This was at a new venue, not far from the pub we normally use, it's a new LGBT community centre with a café : Our House - Wakefield 

I parked outside the pub and walked the 3 mins to the venue. Wakefield at night doesn't feel too salubrious, so although I was wearing a dress (of course) , I had my biker boots on, they made me feel safer - could probably run faster than in heels too.

I always arrive later than everyone, because I go to way too much effort probably. It was a nice place, it had blacked out windows and doors, I assume for safety and privacy, but it did give it a air of 'sex shop' from the outside. Once inside the were some sofas and tables near the door, then the normal sort of community centre / school type tables setup in a long row of three for us - quite a few were ill this week, otherwise we would have needed at least one more. 

The café section was a little further down, with a lovely apologetic centre manager who was on her first day and still working out how to do everything.

The group organiser had brought nibbles, I did my best to eat as much of the food as possible, partly because I had attempted to diet and was starving, but it's rude not to tuck in :)

We mainly talked about how everyone was, if everyone has had a good break etc. I didn't say too much as usual. Philippa was there, and she gave an update on her health and planned operation. We tried to lighten the mood with rude remarks, it wasn't too depressing really.

I talked to a girl about the Gender GP hormone treatments that are offered, as well, it's a possibility I suppose. I like to absorb as much information as possible. 

Blue tongue

The trans-masc Sam from the previous week wasn't there, which was a shame. Perhaps I will see them at another one.

We were kicked out at 9:30pm, which is a bit early for us to finish, but enough seemed to want to have a drink to get a critical mass of people to the pub where I was parked. 

Turns out nobody had told the pub we weren't going that night, so the kitchen staff needed placating, and they got a few orders for cheesy chips, burgers and such. I was good. Philippa won some blue sweets from Australia in the xmas raffle, so we all had fun making our tongues blue.

I left after an hour or so, wished Philippa good luck with her op.

 

Friday - Leeds First Friday 

I really wasn't feeling too much in the mood when I got up, and with the weight gain on my mind, decided to cancel the hotel and drive back instead. 

Ann was up for the day, and it was meant to be OK weather, so we arranged to meet at the Yorkshire Sculpture park , as she would be passing, and had never been. 
We had a nice times wandering around there, had a warm drink in the café.   

After this we proceeded into Leeds, and decided to have a bigger meal earlier on, more chance of a table, and we would be under less pressure to get ready. LFF was starting at 6pm at the new venue going forward. It used to be 7:30 ish before.

We decided on 'Las Iguanas' near the corn exchange, which we had failed to get a table at in December. We were the first customers, so we had no trouble getting in :)

It was lovely food, I had chilli , Ann had pork belly. They had a two for one on cocktails but I didn't read the small print, they were if you got two of the same. So we both ended up with two each. They were quite tart too ! 

One of our other friends was having her makeup done, so wasn't going to be ready before 4pm, so we decided to hit the art galleries to kill an hour before the hotel was ready. Had a good look around the main one, and also the Henry Moore institute next door - they had some really nice sculpture on display.

Wandered back to the hotel so Ann could check in, then to the pub to catch our friend. Had a couple in there, and a nice chat - it's becoming a regular trans haunt, but isn't anywhere near the freedom quarter. Foleys Tap House. Some more girls turned up, and it soon got towards 5pm, so we decided to find a Greggs and get sorted for the evening. I had still brought a change of clothes with me so I could be a bit more dressy.

We were ready just before 6pm, and headed to the new meeting venue - The Viaduct. They were opening early for us, and had provided seating, and turned the speakers off at one end, in the hope it would emulate what we had at the Marriot bar. It somewhat worked, but it wasn't a very big area, and everyone was jammed in, so hard to circulate. There was also the outside courtyard with benches and a few wall heaters, but wasn't that warm out.

It wasn't really that good, so we headed out in search of a few others who has com
e to that conclusion a little earlier. We found them in  Baracoa Luxe, which we had never been in before. It was pretty good - we all got dragged off our seats by a tall and commanding cis lady, so did do a little dancing :)

After that we headed back to Foleys for a bit with Alice, she likes her real ale, did a bit more chatting in there, then went to the Smokestack. It was getting towards 1am and with driving I didn't want to get too tired, so I made my excuses and headed off home. 

Not a bad night all in all ! Really nice to catch up with Ann and the other girls, looking forward to the next one.