A focus on the future

Transition updates

So I had my call with the lovely Sofia from GenderGP on Friday the 16th.  I had been quite nervous, as with the initial consultation.  I think mainly because I assumed I would be being assessed in some way. Likely my own imposter syndrome  causing conclusions to be jumped to. 

I had planned it for my day off, so I could dress for the call, but I was going to the opticians, and then to my parents afterwards, so I decided to experiment with an ultra quick look.  This consisted of a shave, false eyelashes, drawing my eyebrows on, and some lipstick - no foundation.

I think I looked pretty good - being able to go without foundation and colour corrector is my ultimate goal, so I was very encouraged by the results.  I still have some shadow to get rid of with more laser, but I am hoping that by summer I might be getting close.

The call went fine, Sofia was really nice, and we talked about how I had found the last six months, and what my goals were and such.  Towards the end I mentioned I was looking to increase my dose, and go onto blockers. She gave me a lot of helpful advice on how to proceed.

The main objective now is to get blood tests, as any increase in my dose would mean I would need to monitor the hormone levels every 3 months to ensure all was well.  They can provide details for private clinics for me to attend, but she recommended asking my GP first. The process required me to submit a form on the website, and they sent me some letters to give to my GP regarding the tests required.

They also contain a request to go onto shared care, and some wording which makes its clear that this is all pretty basic stuff and they really shouldn't attempt to refuse based on competency grounds.  

I haven't booked an appointment with my GP yet, I would be going dressed, it's a pretty big step. I will likely do so, in March. I will endeavour to see if I can get an appointment booked at least.

Glasses !

I had an eye test, and the lady agreed that my close up vision had deteriorated fairly significantly since last time - I was overdue a test by a fair bit.  

Fortunately my distance vision is wonderful :)

I have been using a magnifying lens on an arm to read cooking instructions on packets, so I was expecting it. 

They want me to try varifocals, as it's easier for a younger person to get started on them now, than wait while it's all much worse. 

The more expensive they are the better my chance of getting on with them, so I went for very expensive lenses.  

This left me with a choice, do I buy them with female frames, or men's frames. It kind of forced me to semi commit to decide on the likelihood of me needing men's ones.

I went with female ones, pink arms , geometric lenses, the lenses were £500 , the frames only £200.

It was Saturday when I chose the frames, my local opticians didn't have a big selection so I drove to Barnsley in the morning. The older male optician didn't seem too phased when I told him I wasn't interested in looking at males ones, and wanted to see unisex / women's. I was in boy mode at the time.

Since then

I had a bit of a mood slump after the peak of Friday.  A few cockups at work that I was involved in, and some bad days of self doubt on future plans. 

I was meant to be going out with a friend on the Wednesday night, but she had to call it off, which was a bit of a downer too.  

Chameleons 

Thursday I was still in two minds as to going to Chameleons, I don't know why, I knew for a fact I would enjoy it, but the motivation wasn't there at all. But I did end up going in the end.

It was a really good night, nice to catch up with Lynn and distract her from her makeup as normal :)  - spent a long time talking with Dayna who I had not had chance to before now.

She was telling me about lots of trans YouTube channels she was in to, to my shame I do not spend a lot of time on trans topics on there. I end  up watching music videos, car repair, makeup videos and such.

There was a new lady who turned up, which is usually the hard part, but seemed to get a bit overwhelmed and made her excuses after a short while.  Hopefully she we come back.

Bought some purple nail varnish from Lynn too, fab colour. Only took it off today because I didn't fancy going for a run while wearing it.

I was significantly happier for attending anyway. 

Car performed brilliantly, got there any back with no charging required it was 5 degrees going down and 3 going back up, so it wasn't ideal for the battery either.  I had 20 miles of range left too. 

This weekend so far

I've been working on the car, I got a refurb gearbox that I have been putting in. I was working on the clutch/brake peddle shaft this morning.  This was stopping me putting the engine / gearbox back in. I hope to get this done tommorow.

In the afternoon I put on my new sports bra, and the rest of my running gear and went for a run. 

It seemed to keep things in place, and no chafing of nipples which was the main thing.  I did about 7.5km in total distance, although only 5km of that had some jogging in.  Did manage a full kilometre with no pauses.

Was really nice to be running with the bra on, and my pony tail in the wind, I do get a bit of an exercise high anyway, but I was very happy when I got back. I also don't think I injured myself too much, which is unusual !

I've been very tired since getting back, so other than a shower I haven't done much - and forced myself to update on here, as I've been bad of late.

Next week

I have an overnight work trip on Monday.  The weekend starts on Thursday night, meeting a friend in Wakefield, then it's LFF on the Friday, and a beer festival in Bradford on the Saturday.

Should be a really good one I hope !

White stuff

Thursday

This week has been another sedate one, I was out on Thursday night to my Wakefield group. They were trialling a new venue, which was a fairly busy bar - Hogarths.

I think it worked pretty well, it was a bit more public which caters to my need to be out. We are still keeping the New Union for two of the weeks, that serves a purpose for those less confident to have a more sheltered meeting place.

It had snowed during the day, and I had not bothered to go into the office because of this.  Got a bit of video of me walking through some slush, as it occurred to me that I had not been out in snow en-femme before. Or if I have I can't remember doing so !

Most of the group doesn't drive, and so they proceeded to get fairly merry on a two for £12 cocktail deal, I felt a little left out, but the last time in I was in that bar I barely made it out  under my own steam, so I guess they had some catching up to do :)

It later turned out that I should really have been at my Nottingham group, the dates had got mixed up, and I hadn't bothered to check on the forum. No matter, the snow may have made it a bad drive.

Saturday 

There was a walk around the riverside organised by Trans-Wakefield for the morning. I decided to wear
some floral boots I had bought 2nd had from somewhere - this was a bad idea. But I did put my normal blue suede boots in the car so I could go shopping in them afterwards.

I parked at the Riverside car park and met up with the group, there were six of us, if you include a greyhound called Loki.  We had a nice walk, stopped halfway at a conveniently placed Starbucks.

Was nice to have a relaxed amble and chat with the others, really enjoyed it. I think it was only 5Km.

After we returned to our starting point I headed back to my car and changed into my cleaner boots and black coat. Then walked into town for some bits.

First I went to Boots, looking for my foundation (L'Oreal True match 2R/2C) but they didn't have that, looked in a few charity shops, then went to the 'Neptune Dinner' for a jacket potato and a tea.

From there I nipped to the loo at the shopping centre, then found Superdrug and picked up the foundation in there.  Had a look around Roman , but couldn't see anything tempting, then headed to the 'Red Shed' in search of a refreshing beverage.  

They have some nice beers in there, I could only have one due to driving, so I got a fairly weak 3.7, Youngs London Original. It was pretty good. 

I headed back via the Ridings centre, stopping in Klass where I got a nice new jumper. Then walked back to the car and headed home.

Sunday

I spent a fair bit of time in the garage taking the engine and gearbox out of Josephine - crunchy
gearchanges require investigation.  I did stop to go for a walk in the afternoon, but the forementioned floral boots had rubbed my heels and I didn't make it far before I realised it would be a bad idea.

I did some cleaning and more on the car instead. 

In the evening I washed my hair, and gave my new 'Round Brush Dryer & Styler' a go, - it's a round brush with a hair dryer in the middle to dry as you pull through your hair.  I wasn't very good with it, but I will preserve. 

Had a call with a friend after washing my hair, we discussed blockers. Made me somewhat realise that this is a bit of big step, and that there are risks with kidneys / liver function. Rather daunting. I had quizzed Christine at the group on her thoughts, and I have talked to a number of Instagram friends who I know are on them.  Spiro seemed to have a lot of negative reactions.  

This Week

I don't expect my call with Gender GP on Friday will be anything too exciting, I will likely have to book and possibly pay for a call to amend my medication. I think this is just a box ticking exercise to remain with them. But we shall see.

I have an opticians appointment on Friday too, I am expecting a big change in prescription as I am struggling, and it's been a long time since I had a test. Which does mean I will probably have to buy a load of new glasses !  At least most of my en-femme ones are cheap.  I might try and get something unisex for my main pair this time though.

It’s Oh So Quiet

 

Life updates

Had a chat with my wife today about my upcoming six month review with Gender GP. I had been meaning to bring it up earlier, but I don't like to upset her and thought it might be contentious.

Anyway told her I was looking to increase my hormone dose, which she seemed to accept. Was asking my about the side effects etc. 

Also mentioned that I did want to come out eventually at work, and that this would mean changing my name. Again this didn't seem to phase her too much which was positive.  The prospect of telling her parents was also raised. 

My dad seems to be improving, he had been without anti-sickness pills for a while due to a poor performance by the chemist, going to ring them shortly to see how he is getting on

Health

Been for a run this morning, my social life has not helped with my figure, I am trying to reverse it's impact. Managed a few km of running, but my ankles are not happy with the amount of load I am expecting them to carry at speed :) - still managed to walk to Asda for food afterwards, so not made myself lame again at least.

I am looking for a sports bra, they don't hurt too much while running yet, but I can feel them moving.

Social Activities 

My idea of cutting down on my social activities this year has got off to a really bad start.

Since last time :

• Boozy night out in Wakefield with Alice and Rebecca
• Two days in Blackpool with Stephanie and Cindy
• Two nights in Leeds for LFF  

Very Brief catchup :

Wakefield -  did the sculpture gallery with Rebekka for lunch and a bit of a look around, wasn't as good as the previous time I was there.

Alice arrived and we tried the 'Red Shed' which is a labour club, in a shed, which is red.  It had some fab beers on, definitely one to add to my pub crawl itinerary. 

We ate at Dolce Vita, I had swordfish it was lovely.  We did some more bars, including 'The Black Rock' again - there was a biker gang in there when we walked in, which did raise my friends eyebrows a little. But all went well.  

Some cis lady bought me a double vodka in there, and it all went downhill, I ended up on a cocktail bar which is never a good thing, and eventually my friends put me to bed - I have no memory of this. Apparently I was running down the high street trying to escape them to find more booze while laughing my tits off. 

I was not very well overnight, or particularly energetic the day after - although did manage to spend the morning doing some shopping with them both before I felt sober enough to drive.

Blackpool - After LFF , and Wakefield I was going to be really good and drink sensibly, and I managed to do so.  Was the first long drive in my new car - which went well, I charged overnight at Bank St car park on arrival. I was in the Dragonfly hotel, had a really nice room.

We ate at Peek-a-booze in the late afternoon on Friday, it was really cheap and freshly prepared, definitely going back there again. 

We went around a few of the usual places in the evening, including 'The little Black Pug' bar , which I had been to with Arabella last year. Neither of my friends had been before, but enjoyed so much we went back on Saturday. I didn't have a late night, left my friends in there and walked back by myself.

I had a lovely fry up at the hotel for breakfast, then we got a black cab to the south blackpool station, then a short train ride to St Anns.  We spent the afternoon doing charity shops - didn't get much other than a knock off version of the Black Opium perfume which I had resisted purchasing before.

Did get a rather fierce looking black jacket with gold spikes on the shoulders.

In the evening it was the main Chix event, starting at my hotel in the bar - there was a free curry buffet provided, I had 2nd helping :)

We went to LuLu's just to show Cindy mainly, it was rammed with girls - I got rained on a bit by a water leak (at least I hope it was just water) from above.  We did the Galleon, Little Pug, Dirty Blondes (a rock bar) and finally the Flying Handbag. I was out till about 1:30am, but had been drinking sensibly so fairly sober by the time I got back.

Had a lovely breakfast again, in the company of Sarah who is a mature trans lady who has gone through GRS and runs a support group down near Cambridge.  We must have spent quite a while talking, it was very nice.  Hope to catch her again at some point.

The drive home was nice, although somehow managed to turn on the lane keeping assist, and the car started to steer itself which was rather worrying - I didn't know it had the ability.

Leeds

I had been planning on just doing one day a month at Leeds to cut down on the calories and expense, but there were a number of us going on the Thursday night, so I ended up being persuaded to join.

Glad I did, we went to a french place and I had the most amazing black pudding starter, it melted in my mouth, lots of flavours, very rich though.

Friday we had a nice breakfast at the Cha lounge, then did some shopping in the morning. Pint's and Straws went well in the afternoon had about 13 people turn up.  We did the venues in reverse which seemed to work quite well.

It was Pizza for evening meal, we tried Franca Mancha - service was poor, and there was a mess up with the bill that left a shortfall.  Myself and Bennie sorted it , as we were last out the door. Won't be going back.

LFF was starting at the 'Bridge End Social' this time, a one-off in case it didn't go well, but it was a fantastic success so I expect we will switch to that as our new permanent starting venue. It felt similar to the Marriot bar, music was turned down so we could talk. There were nice beers on from Kirkstall brewery, including a fab cherry one.  

There was even a pool table !! Bennie beat me tho :(

We did 'The bridge', 'The End' , 'The Shed' and Smokestack .  I finished the evening with some cheesy chips from Big Bites. I had been on halves so wasn't too bad.  

On Saturday I had breakfast with Bennie at Riveresque , then we had a bit of a walk around the canal, the to the markets, the corn exchange and then back to the hotel to check out.  I gave her a lift home and stopped for a cup of tea.

Was a really good weekend, one of the best i've had at Leeds - which is high praise indeed.