Pride Barnsley

Main stage - right at the start
before it got crowded

I have never done a Pride before so was keen to give one a go, and I knew the Barnsley one was this weekend. It clearly wasn't going to be the biggest one, and I knew it was fairly static, no marching.  But seemed like it would be similar to Sparkle, set in a big public garden.

It was quite a hot day, and I was still burnt from Sparkle, so lots of sun cream was applied. I also put on one of my longer wigs to cover the neck, and a dress with a fairly small neck aperture, and a hat :)

Trans Barnsley stall

I didn't park too far away, and it was a very short walk to get to the park. Security was quite lax, there seemed to be two 'proper' entrances with door staff, but then a big gap in the fence where anyone could just wander in. I had a quick scan around to see what stalls were there, and soon spied the flags for the Trans Barnsley group.  Went there first, and got talking to the guys on there. Spoke with the leader of the group first, she was really nice, explained how they got the funding , what the group was like etc. I got introduced to their social media expert, so I took the opportunity to get a photo with them - so I could post on Insta and perhaps give them some exposure. She was also very nice.

Jumbo sausage !!!

Sitting in the shade

Also got speaking with a third one who was an older trans woman, talked a little bit about Sparkle, but someone else came along.

After this I sought food, and spied a street food stall that was doing hot dogs, managed to not cover myself in too many onions.

I sat in the shade and ate, but this was really far from the stage with the stalls in between so was not a good spot.

I headed back to see if I could find a shaded spot to watch the stage but all the good ones had gone. I did get a seat but with no view, so I just crowd watched for a while. I was half hoping I might see someone I knew, but didn't. 

Then I went to look for a drink, the pub looked crowded, I was there on my own so driving, so settled for a coffee from a stall instead. 

Stood a bit nearer the stage under a tree and drank that. It was getting quite hot, and had been there a few hours so decided to head off.

I popped into the small art gallery on the way back to the car, I don't think there was anything new in the downstairs bit. There was some architecture upstairs, but when I got up there it seemed to be being used for painting LGBT banners of some sort. 

Went home and did some Insta shots of some new dresses I have not worn out yet, drank a number of cans of summer fruits cider :)

All in all, it was nice, got some more local trans contacts at least, and may well go to that group on Thursday. But would have been better if had friends to go with - so aim is to make some for next years :)

Oh and I did Chams on Thursday, had been a month since I was last there as I couldn't make the last one. It was nice, Maria (I think got her name right) was there, and looking gorgeous, very jealous of her figure and look.

It wasn't that busy, I guess the heat and light nights, and cost of living etc won't be helping.

 

Great expectations

This is sort of a more detailed analysis of some of the key events/conversations of the previous nights, which are on a similar theme.

Really, its about the expectations and assumptions that you might get from random CIS people who you meet in bars. 

The first encounter was on the Friday night, a good looking young gay guy , with aviators, very mancunian accent. Kept saying how beautiful we all were, and he was so proud of us and that he was really grateful for us blazing the trail, and he really thought that we had done great work to advance the LGBT+ cause by being out as ourselves etc. 

He wasn't addressing us as a group he was saying the same sort of stuff to us individually, of course he didn't know that I hadn't been out long. I didn't correct him, but anyway, I don't think I deserve any praise for that. But I think he assumed that we all old hands at this and been out for decades.

The other event was with a CIS female who was dancing with us in New York, again she went on a similar theme, she started off saying she was proud of me and it was inspirational for me to be out. She said that females accepted me, and that I was welcome as one of them, and I should be proud and OWN my femininity. I should come out of my shell more, and be less shy.  This was all lovely, but it soon because clear that although I was doing my best to dance, she perhaps thought that I was holding back, and not 'Owning it' enough, and she was getting quite in my face and stern. 

It wasn't a massive issue, but had to try and calm her down and assure her that I hadn't done a lot of dancing, and that I really wasn't holding anything back ! She sort of left me alone after that. She had good intentions, but she was clearly expecting me to blossom in front of her or something, I mean female mannerisms and dance techniques do not magically appear when I put my bra on.

There was a similar, but less intense encounter with a lady on the Friday who told me off for being shy - again I think it must be a stereotype that you are an extrovert if you are trans - perhaps it's just because I was hanging around with those that were that are really off the chart in that regard, and this made me stand out more.

I did have a lovely conversation with a lady who was also recently out, early on Saturday night, and I was telling her about a conversation I had see in the morning on a cookery show between James Martin and the lead singer of the band 'The script'. He had postulated that the 2nd Covid lockdown had really forced people to be trapped in the four walls of their abode, and really been forced to take a long hard look at themselves - perhaps realise that we could all die any time, and we should focus on living life now etc. 

Of course he was talking about his career, and the direction he wanted the band to go etc. But I did meet so many people who were going to the Sparkle for the first time, due to coming out during/after covid. I really do wonder if any stats will show a correlation between an increase in the 'out' trans population and those times.

Anyway pondering over. Here is a random pic of me, just so there is a thumbnail pic.

Random police 'Pride' EV - Nissan Leaf,
and some daft tart blocking the view of it

Manchester Sparkle 2022 - Day 2

The morning after

I had set the alarm pretty early, I think for 7:30am, as the guide for meals in the room said that between 8-9am was the ideal time if you wanted a relaxed experience. So i hadn't slept that long. Anyway got up, had a shower got the bare minimum makeup on and headed down for breakfast.

It was buffet style, had a cooked breakfast and a seeded croissant and a few coffee's. The cooked stuff was a bit luke warm, but still nice. Got a good view of one of the squares opposite the hotel.

I had a Panadol for my head, then decided to try and go look at the venue park, I hadn't had much success in finding a timetable, one of the ladies I was out with the previous night had said she thought it was 10am.  So I walked down canal street then over the bridge and spoke to two security staff at the park entrance who said it didn't open until midday, but there was a lovely tea room just down the road - and they were not on commission for it :)

I had previously done some research on things to see in Manchester, and found 'Vimto Park' which has a sculpture of a Vimto bottle, this was only a short walk, so decided to head there to take a look.

It was a nice little park, I sat on a bench for a bit, and thought it might be a good idea to get a bottle of Lucozade to assist with any remaining fuzziness. But this turned into me walking into the city centre to the Arndale centre. 

I was still slightly annoyed with myself for chickening out of the lovely dress for Friday night, and the one I had planned for Saturday was also lovely, a short khaki one with gold print flowers - but not excessively sparkly. So I did wander around looking for something a lot more out there - but found nothing - not even in Quiz !! I had hoped for sequins. I didn't see many trans people out and about, only one I think.

I then went to the Tesco express to get a sarnie and drink, as I figured with the park being in a security cordon I would be trapped in there, and at the mercy of burger van prices. 

I ate the sarnie in the hotel, then headed out of my room to the lift to go back to the park. A chap followed me into the lift and said something along the lines of  'do you mind if I tag along I think we are going to the same place'.  I was a bit confused at first, as thought he meant he was going to the same floor as me, but then realised he meant sparkle.  

Turns out he had been dressed yesterday - by a professional makeup artist, but he didn't have the skills to do it himself, and was also feeling very overwhelmed by everything. He was lovely, he gave me both names Martin/Lara - which I had to put in my phone, as remembering even one name is a challenge.

So we ended up as Sparkle buddies for a while, we went back to the venue, talking along the way about our circumstances etc. We had to queue to get in, and had to have my bag searched for booze. They let me in with Lucozade, it could have been half vodka for all they knew.

We did some of the stands, got some free badges and wristbands, and then we realised that one of the stalls was doing free makeup, this seemed like a golden opportunity for Lara, but she needed to go back to shave. I did see her leave, but not sure if she did come back and got her makeover, I didn't see her around the bars later - I should have got her number. I might track her down on FB.

I also got speaking with one of the admins for the Birmingham belles social group - I didn't know she was it came up in conversation, so I joined the FB group for that - another way to worm myself into the scene. She was nice, also called 'Bell' I think.

There were some nice acts on, and it was nice to be in an environment like that where everyone was happy and proud and such. 

But there were not many people I knew at the day event, or was able to strike up a conversation with, so I did lonely wandering for a while. I did say hi to a few people - Gaby was there briefly, but it was really sunny and there was nowhere in the shade for me to sit, and my feet were killing from the previous night, so I went back to the hotel pretty early. Turns out I had got sunburn, so I have a red triangle around my neck.

I had asked what time everyone I was out with on Friday was meeting up, and it was 6:30 ish near 'Bar Pop' so I ended up eating a disappointing pizza at the hotel bar, then headed to the room to refresh my makeup - shaved again, and put on more extensive eye makeup. 

I also had one of the new fangled anti-hangover pills I had ordered, meant to get rid of the alcohol in your gut before it's absorbed, reduces the symptoms somewhat.

Put on my green short dress, and some posh sandals due to feet woes, and told myself I wasn't going to chicken out again, and strode out of the hotel confidently, chin up, chest out into the totally ambivalent masses.

Managed to find everyone again, it was REALLY busy though, and I don't like crowds that much, so it did take me a while to get back in the mood. 

I don't think I really had as much as a good time as Friday, but it was still really good. 

I was accosted by a fairly drunk lady in New York bar, who said some really nice things, but was also a bit negative - I will talk more of this in a later post.

There was a bit of an incident where one of the more flirty ladies I was with ended up with a 'follower' who we then couldn't get rid of and became a pain, but he lost interest eventually.

The music wasn't as good as the night before, but we did a lot of bars, I was on the shandy still, so wasn't getting very drunk, but was still doing some dancing.

We went to the chippy sometime after midnight, and had some much welcome grease to assist with how we would feel the next morning. I had a saveloy and chips, and gave half mine to another lady who seemed to be content to pick up everyone's scraps :) 

We ended back in the New York bar, but it was rammed and I was ready for bed, so I just used the loo's in there and said bye to the leader of our merry band, and told her would likely see her at LFF.

I had a load of water when I got back. Didn't sleep too bad, but again I wanted to be up early for breakfast. No hangover at all really. Not sure if I can really say that was down to the pill, given I also had chips though.

Got up early on the sunday, had a shower, did my makeup, had breakfast, drove home. I could have stayed for more events. but i've had lots of fun, and was pretty tired.

 

Manchester Sparkle 2022 - Day 1

Had been excited to go to this event ever since I first heard of it, and I had sought permission and booked a room well in advance. The night before I realised I had booked a room with no windows in the Britannia which has terrible reviews, but had gone with a flex booking, so cancelled and got one at the Mecure opposite.  

I purposely missed my Wakefield social/support group on the Thursday night, so I had more time to pack, but I still ended up rushing around like a lunatic on the morning getting ready. I had paid for 10am check-in, as one of my Insta friends was also going early.  In the end I didn't get there until 11:30am, so was lunch time before in my room and unpacked. I had travelled over dressed, I did put some men's jeans and a t-shirt in a bag in the car, but they were really only for emergencies e.g. car breakdown, and didn't get used at all, and stayed in the car. The car park was about a 10 minute walk from the hotel.

A man sitting in his car called me over while I was walking to the hotel as he couldn't work out how to put a space into his sat nav ! - this was quite amusing, anyway managed to sort it for him, all part of the free trans tech support service.

Met up with Ann outside my hotel, and she unfortunately had to tell me she that she had just had a call from her wife who had just received some bad news, and would have to abandon the weekend and go home. But she was going to stay for lunch and a drink then go back later. 

It was a bit of a subdued lunch, but it was still nice, and we had a good chat. We did some photo's outside the New Union, they have some angel wings on the wall - I love angel wing photo opportunities.

We had a drink outside there, but then it was time for her to get on the road, so we walked back up to the Hilton end of Canal street and said our goodbyes. 

I was feeling a bit sad at that point, as I had envisaged that a lot of the day time adventures would have been with her. But after a brief visit back to the room to plan what to do, I decided to head out and find the art gallery. 

I did so, and spend a pleasant hour or so wandering around, they had some lovely Lowry's , and some nice sculptures - I didn't find any peacocks to torment my friend with though.

After this I had a bit of a wander, and stumbled across the library, so though I would go and have a look around that for a bit. I was nice, big circular reading room with a glass dome at the top. Didn't get a photo though. Walked back via china town, and headed to the hotel to research where best to eat. I'm not actually that fussed about Chinese food, I just liked the arch. 

I settled on a Lebanese place that looked really nice online, and was back towards canal street, so not too far away. It wasn't that great really, I had a shish kebab with some olives to start. I think it was meant to come with bread but it didn't. The salad with the kebab was pretty poor. Portion size wasn't great, I didn't bother staying for a desert.

What I should
have worn

Headed back to the hotel as was intending to change my outfit and head out for a few quiet drinks that night.  The hotel I had chosen is not far from canal street, but you did have to cross a busy road with lots of people walking up and down, and walk down a few streets to get there. I did have a nice purple sort of satin-ish dress to wear and got as far as putting it on, but my confidence failed me and I didn't want to walk out amongst the dressed down masses like that.  

So instead I put on another Seasalt one that I had worn to the sculpture park - I did change to the platinum blue fade wig though, and put on my block heels, so it looked a little bit more dressy I suppose.

Anyway it was OK and it got me out of the hotel, and got to canal street again, and started to walk down, looking out for a friendly face. I had hoped to inflict myself on someone I vaguely knew. The plan sort of worked in that I bumped into Gaby one of the shining stars of the social scene, who is always dressed to kill, and also knew where everyone would be meeting up. I hadn't been in touch we these girls really.

Gaby, social butterfly
extrovert extraordinaire

Anyway one drink led to another, and I ended up on the dance floor at one pub, and continued to boogie for much of the night.

My lack of self confidence, and skill with dancing had led to me being sat on a corner guarding the bags on previous occasions, and I don't think it really enabled me to try and properly integrate with the group, and made it seem like I wasn't having fun.

So it sort of meant to great deal to me to finally get the courage to do it - although (as with far too many things of late), social lubricant was required - although I was on shandy's to ensure I got to the end of the night with a functional memory.

I did dancing on a stage (with others), danced with a number of random lovely CIS females. A gay guy - who will feature in a future post (nothing saucy).

It was a really good night, fantastic Madonna tribute act in Via, who to me sounded as good as the original, and her dancing was off the chart. We did a lot of bars on canal street, and New York New York which is a few streets back.

One of the girls in Via late in the night did tell me to not be so shy, we did some sort of Irish dancing with her with the spinning and arm linking thing which was fun.

My feet were killing by that point, the block heels that I got were really cheap, and bought more for the look. I had previous hurt my feet in them at several events - I will get some lower ones, or at least some with more padding on the ball of the foot.

I decided to call it a night, but it was before midnight and one of the CIS wife's of one of the girls told me I wasn't allowed, so we did some more dancing, and it got to 12:30 ish and I did manage to get permission to go to bed :)

I did drink some water before going to bed, but was still a bit hungover in the morning. Just headachy, and a delicate, but not really nauseous. 

All in all, a really good night, and the participation in the dancing was a real achievement for me. 

I didn't do any of the event in the park though, apparently there were things on - but having fun was the aim, and much fun was had.

 

Routine Ramblings

So after my lovely Birthday visit to the sculpture park I still had my normal Friday adventure day free to use. I ended up at Cannon Hall which is not that far away.

I spent some time looking around the walled gardens, then had a coffee and a sausage roll at the courtyard café. The lady serving really liked my purple nails, which was nice.  I looked around the kitchens, did more of the grounds, then went into the big house which is now a museum.

I was a little more self conscious, my new wig - while fantastic doesn't help with not sticking out. Had my spider venom earrings on too :)

I have a friend who has a wild peacock as a nemesis, so being such a good friend I seek out Peacock themed items to rib him with over skype. The museum came up trumps, I found a pot and a plate adorned with peacocks.

Had a wander down to the lake, and did consider renting a peddle swan for Insta action shots, but they looked sort of big for one person to take out on their own.

This one was named Isabella - so almost made for me though :)

After this I went to the garden centre opposite, and drooled over some Seasalt dresses, which while I could afford, I'm sure I could have got cheaper elsewhere.

All in all a very nice day.

The rest of the week at work was a bit busier than normal, and I had some out of hours work to do on the Thursday evening, this meant I missed out on my Wakefield support/social group meeting, which was a shame. But was able to go out to LFF on the Friday at least.

LFF I was really looking forward to going, I had seen some shots on Insta of a really fun lady who takes lots around London, and I realised that I may be able to attempt to get a city skyline shot if I drove to the top of the multi-storey carpark I normally use.

The weather was good, I didn't get too dizzy driving the 16? levels I think it was.  I had a new selfie stick that transforms into a mini tripod too, it has a Bluetooth trigger you can remove. 

It seemed to work pretty well, but the range on the trigger wasn't great. I have another one I might use instead.

The night itself was nice - a few ladies who I didn't know were attending turned up.  

A young gay guy approached me and my friend outside, and asked us if we were drag queens - he really didn't seem to know the terminology bless him.  He meant no harm and once corrected he gave us hugs. Unfortunately his friend was barred entry to the pub we were queuing for, so that was the last we saw of him.

We did the show bar next, they were throwing loo roll out into the crowd for some reason. A girl adorned me with some which was fun. I got complements on my dress.

We them went to the Pack Horse. which was outside the normal 'gay' bit of town, there were only four of us in there I think. Some old drunk guy decided to attempt to chat us up. I was the only one that he would want to f**k apparently, which is a dubious compliment.

Then we ended up in Queens court, then Smokestack.  I chatted to a girl who hadn't been for a while, Suzy, who seemed nice.

By this point it was past midnight and I was getting a bit sleepy, so bid farewell and set off or the carpark.

There was a group of Asian guys in a Merc driving around with the taxi's with the window down, one of them commented on my shinny dress, but then I think made me, he didn't say anything too bad, but was unexpected. 

I made it to the car OK - I had moved it down from the roof a little to make it less painful to retrieve after I had done my photos.

Saturday we went to a charity bike show at my wife's school, and I ate badly all day - even a Kebab at night. Had a chat with my wife to re-assure her I hadn't come to any decisions - it would be wonderful if I could.

Today I did 10K of which 5K was running, and washed my dresses ready for the Sparkle weekend which will commence for me this coming Friday !! Really looking forward to it.

 

Birthday Love

I've not had a full day out in a while - due to looking after my youngest a few weeks ago on what would have been my usual opportunity. I had booked off Thursday the 23rd as was my birthday, so was looking forward to getting out.

I hadn't planned things well though, I had ordered new wigs, and they were scheduled to arrive that morning. This delayed things, as for some reason I didn't want to present en-femme to the royal mail man.

This seems really silly at the time of writing this ! - It really doesn't matter at all - but anyway they didn't turn up until 10:30am , and it took me an hour to get ready because I was intent on having lovely eyeliner wings.

Fortunately it did mean I could wear them though !  I went with the pastel blue / platinum blond one.

I was REALLY happy with the way it looked on me, but I did have issues with the wig cap I used - it just seems to cause them to slip as time goes on. I tried the wig again today, without the cap, and seemed much better.

I decided to go to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, as it's really close, so I could claw back some of the time I lost due to waiting for the parcel.  I went around a lot of the exhibits, and around the lake. Saw the highland cattle chilling out in the lake :)  

Ideally I would have got some lunch from the café, but I was short of time - I needed to get back to let my oldest back in the house. So I just bought some water to take around with me. 

There was some really good stuff there - I go fairly regularly, they do change the exhibits often. The main ones of interest to me this time were the works of Robert Indiana, who is famous for his LOVE sculpture's I believe.

I spoke to a few people briefly - one guy saw me taking selfies and asked if I had got some good ones - a visitor. One of the staff also commented he liked my selfie stick too. 

Still a bit conscious of the voice, having made no attempt whatsoever to feminize it.

I was a really fun afternoon, lots of nice photo's, a sunny day - perfect birthday treat.

The only disappointment really was not being able to attend Chams, that would have been a fine end to the day. But I got some cider in, and enjoyed some music while sipping that.

There was a work event my Wife couldn't get out of, so I had to look after the kids.

Sounds like it was a good one too, but no matter there is always next time.

 

Incremental coming out

 I don't think I ever shared the events on here that eventually snowballed into me coming out to my wife - thus allowing Isobel to exist.

I go drinking with an old school friend in Wakefield once or twice a year, just the two of us. We went to secondary school together. We were not the best of friends really initially, we ended up in the same social circle of the less cool people towards the A-Level years. But we ended up quite close over the years. He was my best man, I was his. God parents of at least one of each others kids apiece. 

We meet up in Wakefield around lunch time, then do 6 or so places, get picked up around tea time 5/6pm by our partners. It's about the most I have to drink in one session on any occasion these days.

The one we did late last year - September perhaps, I don't think I had much for lunch, and we went a bit mad - had quite a few more than normal. We actually still ended up in the normal final pub at the other end of town around the scheduled time. We sat near the pool table, and were playing a game when an interesting group sat and watched us, and we got talking to them.

Two of the group were a lesbian couple, one too drunk to do much other than lay down at that point, the other more vertical one got talking to me and my friend, she initially thought we were a couple :) . She seemed intent on discussing our sexuality and was really grilling my friend, as she suspected he was not straight for some reason.  

Now this is where things started to go wrong, the barriers I had built up over the years were not quite at robust as they had been, and with the beer and her talk, I ended up coming out to her - blubbing all over her in a crowded (not LGBT+) pub. She somehow managed to get the others to distract my friend by playing pool with him.

But he knew something was wrong, he could still remember enough the following day, we had an awkward conversation where I sort of placated him with some unconvincing bullshit.

I was always really worried about my defences failing when drunk, I'm surprised I managed as well as I did - but to do it to stranger in a pub was not expected. Anyway this led me to realise that I really needed to get this out, and after a few weeks I got up the courage to tell my wife. 

Isobel MK1 - pouty tart from the start

Isobel made her first appearance to the universe outside the bedroom shortly afterwards.

Yesterday was our next scheduled drinking session, we had one early this year too - I wanted to tell my friend on that one, but I chickened out.

I was still in man mode of course, I was conscious of looking a bit too ambiguous around him - in case anyone in the pubs mistook us as a couple. So I put in my 'invisible' disposable plastic studs to hide those. But my arms were shaved, I was wearing my blue female boots.

We had a few in a nice real ale pub, then the walk to the next was going to take us past the bar I go to the trans social meetup on Thursdays, so I suggested we might pop in - I figured coming out to him in an LGBT+ bar would be safer - not that he would be violent, but I would perhaps have some support if it went bad. But it seemed pretty dead, and I chickened out. 

It took a fair few more beverages, and we were at our 2nd to last bar before I finally did the deed. I  had loads of opportunities to do it before then, just couldn't get over the line.

I showed him a selection of my Instagram pictures, under the guise of showing him pics of one of my 'friends' who I go out with. I asked him if he recognised her (me) and he didn't twig, so I had to tell him that they were pics of me. There were lots of questions, but he was really nice, and supportive, and was at pains to tell me it didn't change anything.

I made sure to tell him I didn't find him attractive, I didn't want any doubts to niggle at him - he hadn't asked, but thought best get all the important bits covered.

It was really good to get it all out, and I apologised profusely for not having done so earlier.

It seems I had further aroused his suspicion when we went to dinner at his place a few months ago with both my ears pierced. Seems he had also noticed my shaved arms yesterday but said nothing.

We went to the next pub, and had a swift drink in there as my wife was on her way, she had got fed up of waiting for me to text her. We departed on good terms, once again he said he was there for me and the family. I gave him a fist bump on the way out.

He sent me a lovely txt message re-iterating his support later that night, and I thanked him and hoped he had enjoyed the day still. He replied saying he had, and that he was here if I ever wanted to talk.

His two messages ended with an 'x' which was nice - he wouldn't normally, maybe he does that to female friends, and he see's me somewhat in that category now , maybe he was just drunk, I don't know :)

I had a KFC , then some further leftover pizza when we got home, I had a soft drink break half way around our crawl too, so I don't feel too bad at the time of writing, and no memory loss either :), although I didn't sleep too well - the beer I think.

I didn't reply to his last, I had said thanks enough, I will just leave it there.