Having spoken to quite a few people in the past months, and told them of my indecision on future plans and my thought that there was no real rush, quite a few have expressed concern that waiting lists are very very long at the moment, and show no signs of getting any better.
So I decided to see if what if anything I could do now, to assist myself in the future if I did want to progress things. Having a past dated deed poll seemed like a good idea - even if I didn't send it off to anyone. I chatted with my wife about it - it didn't go well, there were lots of tears. I probably didn't handle it very well at all.
She suggested I should get some counselling for dysphoria, I mean it's probably not a bad idea....
I really don't like upsetting her, it did affect my mood for a few days afterwards.
This was on a Wednesday night, after coming back from Asda - I had got dressed primarily to practise my makeup for the LFF on Friday, but decided to pop to Asda and look for fresh figs - the last lot were lovely.
So I wasn't 100% in a brilliant mood for Thursdays Wakefield trans group meetup at the New Union. But I really want to get to know more people and try to get to every other one at least. So I went along, I wore the short blonde wig, but put a clip in , as I knew we would be playing pool, and the fringe does get in the way, even with hair spray. I don't think it looks that good to be honest.
I wore blue jeans and my Vader t-shirt - a day late for the 4th of May - got a compliment on it from a nice lady.
I came 2nd in the pool, I tried a tricky high bridge shot - left handed, this was doomed to failure.
Did poorly in the quiz, and didn't get anything in the bingo.
A new lady had come for her 1st visit, older, she seemed nice, but made some dismissive comment about LFF - along the lines of "old men in short dresses" , which I thought was a little off.
I'm probably at the lower end of the age range of people who attend, but there are younger ones, and some nice looking ladies. I'm more sensitive to people dissing other trans people when it's from within the community than external people, but I guess she's entitled to her opinion.
She shared her story, she waited for her kids to get to 18 then left home and transitioned, and her advice was perhaps coloured by the fact she waited - in effect not to wait.
I've had advice from others not to do anything at all, and I know plenty at Chams who have made the decision that their relationship was more important to them that that. I'm not really keeping a tally of for and against votes :)
The organiser seems to take new people to one side for a chat on their first visit, she didn't with me on my first as she was talking to another lady who she had not spoken to the previous time. This week she did the other new lady, I assume she will grab me at some point.
The atmosphere is a lot different, with it being in a bar with non-trans also wandering around, we talk with others outside the group, the pool game is open to all, so we were playing with other LGB members. Lots of swearing, joking, "breaking balls" as the sopranos would describe it. It's very down to earth.
I got a free slice of pizza too :)
It was a good night anyway - even if I sort of felt guilty for having fun.
Yay for having fun and, in the interests of helping people avoid being like me: no guilt required. Fun is fun, regardless of the road beforehand.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of that road: I have no advice. That sucks. It just does. On the plus side, having a Deed Poll what is secret in your back pocket doesn't mean anything, what, with it being secret and all. Lynn's words of wisdom apply well here too: you can only make decisions based on what you know at any given moment and work with what you have at any given time to work through them.
For all it's worth, my heart goes out to you and your wife on that discussion. I finally get to return the hugs.
Also, waiting lists are very long indeed, so if you don't want to risk a Deed Poll, you don't have to - it's six months still (as you know) from that to HRT that they'll ask and six months from first appointment to anything that could even offer HRT as an outcome so... plenty of warning.
I hear counselling can be very helpful. Plus, if nothing else, you get to talk indulgently about yourself for an hour.
Hope it's not been too isolating in the aftermath! *care emoji stolen from FB*
Thankyou for the hugs, she deserves them more than me, it's me that's caused the problem.
DeleteI think we are OK, although not talked much since.
I did find a counsellor locally that lists gender issues as an area they cover. I may well look to book something.