Birthday Love

I've not had a full day out in a while - due to looking after my youngest a few weeks ago on what would have been my usual opportunity. I had booked off Thursday the 23rd as was my birthday, so was looking forward to getting out.

I hadn't planned things well though, I had ordered new wigs, and they were scheduled to arrive that morning. This delayed things, as for some reason I didn't want to present en-femme to the royal mail man.

This seems really silly at the time of writing this ! - It really doesn't matter at all - but anyway they didn't turn up until 10:30am , and it took me an hour to get ready because I was intent on having lovely eyeliner wings.

Fortunately it did mean I could wear them though !  I went with the pastel blue / platinum blond one.

I was REALLY happy with the way it looked on me, but I did have issues with the wig cap I used - it just seems to cause them to slip as time goes on. I tried the wig again today, without the cap, and seemed much better.

I decided to go to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, as it's really close, so I could claw back some of the time I lost due to waiting for the parcel.  I went around a lot of the exhibits, and around the lake. Saw the highland cattle chilling out in the lake :)  

Ideally I would have got some lunch from the café, but I was short of time - I needed to get back to let my oldest back in the house. So I just bought some water to take around with me. 

There was some really good stuff there - I go fairly regularly, they do change the exhibits often. The main ones of interest to me this time were the works of Robert Indiana, who is famous for his LOVE sculpture's I believe.

I spoke to a few people briefly - one guy saw me taking selfies and asked if I had got some good ones - a visitor. One of the staff also commented he liked my selfie stick too. 

Still a bit conscious of the voice, having made no attempt whatsoever to feminize it.

I was a really fun afternoon, lots of nice photo's, a sunny day - perfect birthday treat.

The only disappointment really was not being able to attend Chams, that would have been a fine end to the day. But I got some cider in, and enjoyed some music while sipping that.

There was a work event my Wife couldn't get out of, so I had to look after the kids.

Sounds like it was a good one too, but no matter there is always next time.

 

Incremental coming out

 I don't think I ever shared the events on here that eventually snowballed into me coming out to my wife - thus allowing Isobel to exist.

I go drinking with an old school friend in Wakefield once or twice a year, just the two of us. We went to secondary school together. We were not the best of friends really initially, we ended up in the same social circle of the less cool people towards the A-Level years. But we ended up quite close over the years. He was my best man, I was his. God parents of at least one of each others kids apiece. 

We meet up in Wakefield around lunch time, then do 6 or so places, get picked up around tea time 5/6pm by our partners. It's about the most I have to drink in one session on any occasion these days.

The one we did late last year - September perhaps, I don't think I had much for lunch, and we went a bit mad - had quite a few more than normal. We actually still ended up in the normal final pub at the other end of town around the scheduled time. We sat near the pool table, and were playing a game when an interesting group sat and watched us, and we got talking to them.

Two of the group were a lesbian couple, one too drunk to do much other than lay down at that point, the other more vertical one got talking to me and my friend, she initially thought we were a couple :) . She seemed intent on discussing our sexuality and was really grilling my friend, as she suspected he was not straight for some reason.  

Now this is where things started to go wrong, the barriers I had built up over the years were not quite at robust as they had been, and with the beer and her talk, I ended up coming out to her - blubbing all over her in a crowded (not LGBT+) pub. She somehow managed to get the others to distract my friend by playing pool with him.

But he knew something was wrong, he could still remember enough the following day, we had an awkward conversation where I sort of placated him with some unconvincing bullshit.

I was always really worried about my defences failing when drunk, I'm surprised I managed as well as I did - but to do it to stranger in a pub was not expected. Anyway this led me to realise that I really needed to get this out, and after a few weeks I got up the courage to tell my wife. 

Isobel MK1 - pouty tart from the start

Isobel made her first appearance to the universe outside the bedroom shortly afterwards.

Yesterday was our next scheduled drinking session, we had one early this year too - I wanted to tell my friend on that one, but I chickened out.

I was still in man mode of course, I was conscious of looking a bit too ambiguous around him - in case anyone in the pubs mistook us as a couple. So I put in my 'invisible' disposable plastic studs to hide those. But my arms were shaved, I was wearing my blue female boots.

We had a few in a nice real ale pub, then the walk to the next was going to take us past the bar I go to the trans social meetup on Thursdays, so I suggested we might pop in - I figured coming out to him in an LGBT+ bar would be safer - not that he would be violent, but I would perhaps have some support if it went bad. But it seemed pretty dead, and I chickened out. 

It took a fair few more beverages, and we were at our 2nd to last bar before I finally did the deed. I  had loads of opportunities to do it before then, just couldn't get over the line.

I showed him a selection of my Instagram pictures, under the guise of showing him pics of one of my 'friends' who I go out with. I asked him if he recognised her (me) and he didn't twig, so I had to tell him that they were pics of me. There were lots of questions, but he was really nice, and supportive, and was at pains to tell me it didn't change anything.

I made sure to tell him I didn't find him attractive, I didn't want any doubts to niggle at him - he hadn't asked, but thought best get all the important bits covered.

It was really good to get it all out, and I apologised profusely for not having done so earlier.

It seems I had further aroused his suspicion when we went to dinner at his place a few months ago with both my ears pierced. Seems he had also noticed my shaved arms yesterday but said nothing.

We went to the next pub, and had a swift drink in there as my wife was on her way, she had got fed up of waiting for me to text her. We departed on good terms, once again he said he was there for me and the family. I gave him a fist bump on the way out.

He sent me a lovely txt message re-iterating his support later that night, and I thanked him and hoped he had enjoyed the day still. He replied saying he had, and that he was here if I ever wanted to talk.

His two messages ended with an 'x' which was nice - he wouldn't normally, maybe he does that to female friends, and he see's me somewhat in that category now , maybe he was just drunk, I don't know :)

I had a KFC , then some further leftover pizza when we got home, I had a soft drink break half way around our crawl too, so I don't feel too bad at the time of writing, and no memory loss either :), although I didn't sleep too well - the beer I think.

I didn't reply to his last, I had said thanks enough, I will just leave it there.

Moist and Cheezy

 That was the name of our pub quiz team at the Wakefield trans support group on Thursday. It had been starting to warm up, so it was a little moist.

 I was in a bit of a rush to get ready, so I went about as natural as I have ever done. Used orange concealer, then foundation, mascara , and eyebrows only. I think I might have to order some more foundation soon - but ideally need to go get colour matched - perhaps at Leeds John Lewis.

I wore my hoops for the first time !!!!!!  it was fun to flop my head around and feel them there - Lynn had mentioned this when we were speaking a while back. Quite noticeable when driving and swinging head around quickly. Anyway definitely a fan , I think I will get some massive ones soon :)

Everyone was outside in the courtyard when I arrived, the group separated to allow me to sit on one side. After a bit I saw an opportunity to move around to the other side and possibly put someone's nose out of joint by stealing their chair. It is the partner of the group leader, I can't really tell if she was joking or really upset, it was  a bit odd.

Bathroom selfie

Anyway I managed to sit next to an older lady who I had been getting on quite well with at previous - she must be in her late 50's perhaps. The group as a whole is very young, and it's a bit odd being at the older end of the age range.  Turns out she may only have a few years left - bladder tumour. Such a shame, seems like she has a lot of stories to tell, has led (and still does) an interesting life. Won't be seeing her for a month perhaps due to her holidays.

Ended up sitting with her, and a young couple - CIS female with a trans mtf partner who are really fun. Had a good quiz, we won (£20 between the four of us) - only losing out on a few questions. We did higher-lower to try and win a big prize of £60,  I was put in charge of guessing, we got to the 2nd row, but I guessed low on an 8, and it was a queen.

I got to the last 4 in the killer pool , it was played at the end of the night rather than the beginning to mix it up a bit.

The one that had been critical of LFF was not there this time, not sure if she's still attending.

The lady who I had been getting on well with gave me hug before she left, 

I've still not managed to have a chat with the group leader.

I stayed pretty late, past last orders, it was a bit hard to find a gap to leave, they were all talking about McDonalds kitchen injuries !

Leeds Second Friday

The big Leeds social is normally the first Friday of each month, but due to an overlap with the Jubilee celebrations it had been moved to the 2nd one this month.  

I had the day off, but my youngest was off school, as it is a bit odd with it's holidays. I would normally have gone out dressed for the day, but with him in tow it didn't seem appropriate.  We've been out as a family before a couple of times, and he see's me dressed up when I go to the support groups, so it's not that he's not fine with it, it just seemed odd.

So instead I decided to go get a haircut - he still had to come along, but I promised him we would do something afterwards. Managed to get a free slot in my usual place with only a 30 minute wait, so we went for a wander. 

I'm trying to grow my hair again - I had been before xmas, but the kids kept getting headlice at school and although they didn't infect me, I was feeling a bit paranoid and did a 6mm all over on myself the last time - which I regret.

So I just went with a back and sides, a bit of a tidy up. I'm hoping to go with a somewhat stereotypical 'lesbian' look which will sort of be vaguely OK in both modes, and still be short enough still so I can wear short wigs over it if needs be.

I also clipped my toenails, and painted them that morning, as I was intending on wearing my block heel sandals, and they would be on show.

We went for lunch at a mediterranean cafe, I had a kebab type thing, and the lad had a burger. It was nice, aside having to send his back as they had put mayo on it, despite me being very clear about it not having any sauce.

The afternoon I washed my plan B dress, which I did end up wearing and then relaxed for the rest of the afternoon. My wife thought I looked like a tart in my gold sequin one. But I will wear it one day :)

My friend was intending on coming as well, but things seem to be against her that day, lots of issues and stress, and an infected leg !

We met in the square outside, and I showed her the wings mirror and where the bar was - we were a bit early, and it wasn't very busy at all.  Didn't see anyone else I knew at that point so we say down next to a CIS couple.  Turns out they were visiting from Ireland - and seemingly a bit drunk.  

We spoke to the lady for a while, she wasn't well informed with terminology but was friendly and trying quite hard.

I spotted a lady who I had met at a few events before, Danielle, and she came over and sat with us. This was probably the start of it not going so well as far as my friend was concerned, as I think she already felt trapped in a corner.  It went a down hill rapidly, I tried to advert disaster, but it was too little too late, and she had already decided to leave at this point.

Managed to find her in the courtyard, and it was clear the event was not her cup of tea. Things were said about the group, it upset me somewhat, but I think we are OK now. 

The rest of the evening went as normal, following Dee around with the others, we went to Fibre - got a mirror selfie for Insta. Then we went next door, which was pants. Music was too loud, I screwed up some tissue and jammed it in my right ear as it was vibrating badly. I left this in when we moved to the showbar.

Saw some Caberet in there, the male dancers ended up dancing on top of the bar at one point !

Myself and Danielle went to the front to see more of the caberet, and Dee and the others had moved on by the time we got back. We assumed it would be the Smokestack, but guessed wrong. There was some good music in there though.

Danielle was heading off early, as she had an event to attend the next day, and I figured it was also a good time to head home - was about midnight by this point. We walked to the multistorey together at least - always the most scary part of it. Plenty of police around though.

Came home and cooked myself a sausage sarnie - I had intended to have some cold pizza but I had forgotten to put it in the fridge, so didn't risk it.

Maybe Someday

Chams was the first opportunity to get out since before the long weekend, so I was really looking forward to going.

With it getting warmer I went with the yellow dress I had worn to the comic con a few weeks ago.

The long black wig had been getting some lovely comments on Insta, I'm not that convinced it's 'me' but I thought I would give it a go. I mainly got it for the goth fest in Whitby, and it was only cheap, but it's some variety at least.

Charged at Tibshelf on the way down, selfie taken while waiting.

At first it seemed like there might only be four of us, but perhaps was just a bit early, but several people turned up in the first half hour.

Midnight was there, which was really nice, as she had missed quite a few, was great to see her again. Sat between her and Joanna with Renée.

There was also a newbie, who seemed nice - I didn't get to talk much to them. They had purple hair !  I might do that :)

The conversation flowed nicely, and we stayed pretty late almost to kicking out time (11pm). It was a good night. Drive home was uneventful, aside from more 40Mph with lanes closed, meaning loads of people speeding past - it seems so dangerous to drive that slow.

Title is from a song I didn't know of by the Cure, someone on Insta used it on one of their videos.

The long weekend

The long Jubilee weekend had been mainly used up by a big family wedding. This was in/near the dales, the wedding itself looking out onto Dovedale. 

For the avoidance of doubt, this would be an entirely man-mode event, I am not even out to my own parents, and this was my wife's side of the family, and quite a large family at that.

There was quite a lot planned, we needed to get there for 4pm ish on the Thursday, so we did get a little bit of that day, but most of that was spent packing and such. 

I had been paranoid that my pierced ears would result in questions, ones I would either answer truthfully, thus causing a massive scene, which you don't want at someone else's wedding - or lie, and then be upset with myself for the continued deception.

In the end I got some transparent plastic studs, and I think I went unnoticed - at least nobody said anything. Still hiding I suppose, but I knew they were there at least. I didn't want to take them out fully for fear of them closing up, it had only been 6 weeks, and had managed to make them bleed a few times.

Friday morning I managed to get out for a bit of an amble with my youngest, we were in a old stone building that had been converted to a large holiday let. Here be some pics of our walk :

The wedding was at 1ish looking out over Dovedale :

I was very envious of a number of dresses - but won't share those for privacy reasons.

The evening do was back at another of the large holiday lets that had been rented, and went much as they normally do, had a few beers,  

Saturday a lot of people were feeling worse for wear (not so much myself) , although I did have some tummy issues - but it's a known issue.  There was a BBQ in the evening, then we made our excuses.

Managed to get home before 10 ish I think.  Sunday I was still very tired, so it was a bit of a waste of a day, I had hoped that I would sleep well on the Saturday night.  I did have a coffee at Tibshelf which may have caused the sleep issues.

I wasn't in the mood to dress of go on adventures anyway :(

Ripley First Wednesday

There is a pub social event in Ripley on the first Wednesday  of every month. I had heard about it from my friend Danielle, and it had sprung to mind when thinking of places that Joanna could go to too

Insta friend cropped for privacy 

Most of the larger social events take place on Fridays and Saturday nights, which are off limits to her.

It took a bit of mutual encouragement for us both to commit to going - not a great deal, but I was glad when Joanna said she wanted to go. It's in a normal pub, and I'm still not as confident as I could be at walking into a place like that on my own.

It seemed likely wouldn't be seeing Danielle for a while as she can't come to the next few Leeds events due to other commitments, but I did know she has been to this one before, and was sort of half hoping she would be along - but wasn't there in the end.

However someone who I had been conversing with on Instagram happened to be there (Ann) - we had met briefly at the last Leeds do, but it was a bit awkward somehow, she was talking with other people. So it was good that we got to sit together - had a really good chat, and perhaps I now have some more options on people to hang around with at Sparkle at Manchester next month.

From post event analysis, it seems like Joanna had really taken one for the team, and had not had such a good time sat opposite someone new to the both of us. Which is a real shame, I had hoped it would be a fun night for both of us - in hindsight I should have been more concerned about certain signs she wasn't having such a good time, and really sorry I didn't put more effort into finding out why on the night. The appearance of the notebook and some scribbling was one of those.

If it wasn't for her blog I might not have known - but she is fully committed to accurate honest record keeping, which I do respect - so the blog gets all the juicy details. 

On a more positive note we did all get an invite to a BBQ by one of the leading figures Dee - (at least to me), in the trans social scene. She was partly responsible for encouraging me to go to my first Nottingham invasion. She seems to go to every event possible ! I think it's a Friday though, so if I do go then perhaps would be solo.

We ended up being the last of the trans people out of the door, so it was a late return - but with the Jubilee weekend starting the next day I didn't have to be up early.