A right royal Thursday

 

Thursday was Chams, someone had left some jubilee props out, I had to give them a go :)

Outfit and wig was chosen by means of the general amount of compliments they both got on Instagram. I'm really favouring the short brown wig at the moment though - just feels more me.

I might have to look at getting a longer one, I'm growing my hair and unless I resort to a wig cap it will start to show more obviously at the back. I haven't got on with caps.

Charged on the way down, got it to 85% at Tibshelf , which gave me just enough to get home with about 14 miles to spare.

There were two new people there, which was nice - although I didn't get chance to speak much with them. One seemed to be having a good time with Joanna though.

Ended up having a good chat with Lynn and Alex though, was a very pleasant night.

Also one of the ladies who I been talking to on Instagram was there, I think she has a busy work schedule, so doesn't often get chance to come along. I wasn't sat too near, but did have a bit of a natter towards the end of the night.

Had been encouraging her to come to LFF if she gets chance.

I was feeling pretty good due to some minor successes at work toward the end of the week, and also with me having the Friday off the next day.  

I have been playing "I Don't Want To Be" by Gavin DeGraw a lot this week - I know it's not really about the Trans thing, but there is a lot synergy with the lyrics :

I don't need to be anything other
Than a prison guard's son
I don't need to be anything other
Than a specialist's son
I don't have to be anyone other
Than the birth of two souls in one
Part of where I'm going
Is knowing where I'm coming from

I don't want to be anything
Other than what I've been tryna to be lately
All I have to do is think of me
And I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I'm surrounded by liars
Everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters
Everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis
Everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned

I don't want to be anything
Other than what I've been tryna to be lately
All I have to do is think of me
And I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

Can I have everyone's attention please?
If you're not like this and that
You're gonna have to leave

I came from the mountain
The crust of creation
My whole situation made from clay to stone
And now I'm telling everybody

I don't want to be anything
Other than what I've been tryna to be lately
All I have to do is think of me
And I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms
Wondering what I've got to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

I don't want to be, hey, yeah, hey, yeah
I don't want to be, oh, ooh
I don't want to be
I don't want to be anything
Anything other than me

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah (I don't want to be)
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah (I don't want to be)
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah (I don't want to be)
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah (I don't want to be)

 

Just what the doctor ordered

 

Sophie Aldred ! AKA 'Ace'

On Sunday I woke up and thought I really needed to have an Izzy day, so I got ready first thing - with no real plan on where to go. 

It wasn't too cold, and I had a yellow summer dress that I had got off Ebay that I wanted to wear, plus some new walking trainers that hadn't been out of the box yet.

I was looking on google maps for places to go, when a friend on Skype reminded me that there was a Comic-con at Elsecar Heritage centre that day, and Sylvester McCoy and Sophie Aldred would be there ! 

I checked if the boys wanted to come - I already knew my wife would need to stay in to work that day. They were not interested, their loss.

I did a twirl for my wife to check I looked OK and she said I was fine, but I had a nagging feeling I wasn't, and could see there was some back hair and some straggly bits of real hair showing. So I got her to do some trimming.

I then grabbed my selfie stick and bag and headed to Elsecar on the back roads - it's only about 30 mins away.

Managed to snag a parking space in the overflow parking, as fortunately someone was leaving just as I arrived - it was rammed everywhere so this was incredibly lucky.

I wandered into the centre through the back gate, and spent a confused 10 minutes trying to find anything comic-con related, all I could see were a couple of Storm Troopers in a square, but nothing obvious in any of the buildings.  I eventually found a street I had missed, and a very long queue.

Now I'm not usually one for long queues, this is the sort of thing that would normally really put me off, but I actually felt a lot more relaxed, and just went with it, chatting to my friends in Skype as I slowly made my way forwards,

It took quite a while to get in, the queue went around a corner before it got to the entrance.  Once inside it was a little disconcerting, the place was very busy and I don't really like crowds.

But everyone seemed more interested in the stalls, and didn't seem to be queuing to get the star attractions which were at the back - well perhaps they were not as interested. So I slivered through the masses, being careful not to boob-shunt anyone (I'm still getting used to my new dimensions).

At the end I got to some stages with stuff going on, but I couldn't see any Dr Who type stuff at all, I was getting a bit worried that they were not there, but I looked to the right and there were a couple of boring looking tables with some people sat behind them, only a few people around them.  

It was them !  There was no queue at Sophie's desk, so I awkwardly went up and asked for a photo. I failed to give her assistant my phone to take a photo with, which got a comment from the assistant, silly me.  Anyway she took three photos, and I thanked her for the video message she had done for one of my friends. I probably could have spent a bit more time taking to her, but I was a bit flustered.

After that I headed to Slyvester's desk, someone had approached him for a photo while I was with Sophie so I had to wait a little bit. Once he was ready we did the same as with Sophie, he called me 'darling' :)  , he was really nice.  Again I didn't really say much.  They were both only £10, which is a bit of a bargain I understand.

Sylvester McCoy !!

I was really happy to have got those, I decided to have a look on some of the stalls, but it was all stuff I really didn't need. But I ended up getting a book from a Sci-Fi author who had a stall.

I managed to interrupt him eating his sandwich, but  he took the time to explain the premise of his book series, he signed my book. He was really nice too.

Then I found a quite corner to take some selfies with the hall in the background so I had photographic proof of being in a large crowd :)

After that I though I would head outside for food - I should perhaps have stayed as I now know there were talks by Sophie / Sylvester shortly after I left the hall, but never mind.

I found a cafe in one of the buildings, and after a bit of a wait ended up with a coffee and a really nice cold cream scone - not clotted. Which I attempted to eat in a lady like fashion.

I nearly left there without my carrier bag with the Sci-Fi book in, but someone called me back.

I had a look in a few shops ( there are craft shops, jewellery, records, antiques etc in the centre), then decided the day had been too successful and I probably should head home.

It did really improve my mood, and I felt a lot happier on the Monday, and not too bad at the time of writing :)

 

Sad times

 

Just a catch up on events before we get into the weekends adventures.

It was Eurovision the day after I had visited Doncaster, I had seen that the bar I visited was going to have a Eurovision party, and was excited to go. Theresa was at a wedding that night but graciously said she would take the boys so I could still go out.  But I didn't have a good time getting ready for it, and by the time I was finished with my makeup I wasn't going to make the start of it. Everything just seemed to be against me going. 

So I just thought, well why don't I just stay at home and chat with my friends while watching it - it wasn't as if I would have  know anyone at the bar, so was a real possibility of being stood on my own. It wasn't a bad night in the end, but was a bit less exciting than had planned.

I was feeling a bit down for the rest of the week, I managed to get myself to the Wakefield support group meeting, even after seeing that the organiser wouldn't be there on the FB. It was an enjoyable evening, we did killer darts, killer pool (came 3rd) , the quiz and bingo.  I stayed to watch some of the others play a game of pool then made my excuses.

Friday was meant to be Nottingham invasion, but I just wasn't in the mood, it was a better day with some work stuff, but the rush to get ready and the drive to Nottingham really didn't sound like fun.  I saw some of the pics that the other girls took while there and it looks like I missed a good night :(

Saturday I needed a shirt for an upcoming wedding, so we did Leeds as a family (I was in man mode).

It wasn't a bad day.

Izzy does Doncaster

 

 Just a play on the old porn film title "Debbie does Dallas", don't worry no bits on display.

As soon as my work had brought up the idea of the 9 day fortnight, meaning we get every other Friday off, my heart leapt at the thought I would have two adventure days a month, where I could get out and spend the whole day as 'me'.

I had done Leeds the previous one, I had been to Doncaster many many moons ago, possibly pre-kids, and thought it seemed like a good idea. It has a big shopping centre, and there was an LGBT bar that I had found when googling for local venues. 

I do love wearing dresses, but I thought that perhaps I should attempt to 'blend' more this time, as lets be honest, non many women wear them these days. So I chose jeans, boots and my 'Ghost' (the band) t-shirt, with the brown smart-ish jacket.  I do need another jacket choice.

I probably still stood out a little perhaps, I should get some more less gothic tops too.

I parked in the multi-storey at the shopping centre which was quite a cool car park , massive long steep ramp up.

Then got the lift down to the shopping levels, nearly barrelled into some old dears who were attempting to enter the lift as I was coming out.

I wandered around there for a bit, found the Waterstones (I had googled for it before going out) and got another Ursula K. Le Guin (Earthsea: The First Four Books). I signed up for a loyalty card in there - under Isobel , not had the email through for it though. Hopefully will come through next week.

They had a Quiz there too, with some very lovely going out dresses, which I really really do not need any more of (lies) but I left pretty quickly when I saw the prices.

I walked past 'Wowburger' which had a colour scheme designed to startle , all red and bright yellow - but definitely going to have to take the kids one day. 

Then I went into the town, and found where the bar was, it was still a bit early, and I wasn't sure it was actually an eaty place, so I figured would pop in for a drink later.

Did four charity shops, got three nice dresses - all three with no arms, which I didn't' have any of. Also a spotty top.  The 3rd shop had some lovely wedding dresses - of course I do not need one, and highly unlikely I ever will, but I did have a quick rifle through them.

Looked in a few pound shops, then decided was time to eat. I found a Cafe which looked to have a load of space free, it went back a fair way. It wasn't the cheapest, but everything was really good.

Marvel at the jacket potato with bolognaise.

It was so good I stuffed it into my mouth with little regard as to my lipstick and foundation, and probably didn't look very dainty in the process.

Also took selfie to check this, and my hair.

Once complete, I headed outside to check on Skype as there was no reception in there. Then I went to the bar.

There were a few people in, I got a 0% beer as they had run out of milk, so couldn't do coffee.

The books in the 'library' were mostly on the wallpaper - which was amusing, but they did have some real ones on top of a piano. It seemed like a really nice place, decent pool table.

Definitely want to go back again.

There was another bar downstairs which only opens at night, and also the loos - they had more wings !!!

Once I had finished in there, it seemed like a good idea to come home - there was a museum and other things I could have done, but no reason to do it all in that one day.

I couldn't resist going into Deichman and getting another pair of walking shoes though.... 

All in all, a very pleasant day - no problems with anyone, funny looks, comments, mis-gendering.

As with the previous outing, I didn't revert when coming home - I did change into the dresses for some Insta snaps, but remained dressed for the rest of the day ! Which was nice.

Dotty Thursday

So Chams was nice on the Thursday, the black dotty dress got it's first outing, with the block heeled "going out" shoes rather than the trainers.

I got there way early, even before the lights were on, the traffic gods were smiling on me - I even charged on the way !

I was actually checking my phone in the car park to make sure I had got the right day :)

It was a good turn out (at least compared to the last few times) - 8 of us I think , there was a new lady Cassie who was on her first trip out of the house.  She seemed a little nervous at first, but was soon joining in - probably said more than me, but that's not hard.

Joanna was wearing a fetching long blue dress, and Lynn had a very nice skater style (I think) with cats on it, which was also very nice.

Joanna brought biscuits, I ate several multiples of two.

Things were talked about, I can't actually remember too much of the topics, but I did manage to join in with them a little. I should have probably blogged earlier.

I had managed to charge sufficiently to go home at 70mph, with the climate control on - not that really needed it. I also (for once) trusted the built in out-of-date-nav when it told me to come off at the Barnsley junction. It didn't actually take me through Barnsley which I was dreading, and wasn't a bad shortcut in the end.

It was a good night.

Human powered flight

 I got my wings !!

An actual laugh ! Marvel at the sight of teeth

I had cancelled the Hotel for LFF on Thursday while I was feeling quite down - it was £120+  , I really didn't want to waste that if I wasn't in the mood. Anyway I saw a few people posting Instagram updates of their LFF preparations, and by Friday afternoon I was in the mood to go out again. 

So I made the decision to get ready and go out, even if it turned out to be just for a few hours.  I ended up out until 1am.  I met some nice people, I didn't speak to that many. I sat with one that I had met the previous time (Debbie)  and she introduced me to her friends Mandy and Becky, we talked for a bit, then I went for a wander and spotted Danielle who I had met at the Nottingham invasion twice.  She was partly responsible for my earring decision having had hers done the month before.

I spoke to Fiona briefly, she seemed to be on a mission, Stella was there but didn't get chance to speak. I was hoping to meet a deaf girl, I had learnt to sign her name, as on FB she seemed to be getting down that nobody was speaking with her - not much but thought would cheer her up a bit. She was there apparently but our paths didn't cross.

We did a few places :

• Fibre - made a poor bar girl go to the bottom floor for alcohol free gin
• Viaduct show bar - was a preview night for their new acts, I think we saw 4 
• Smokestack - Jazz, soul, really nice, wish I could have danced to some of it

One of the ladies who I sat with initially in the Marriott checked up on me in Smokestack, as I appeared to be stood on my own not having a good time. I was tired and attempting to sway to the music - Danielle was across for me - anyway it was nice that she made that effort to check I was OK. 

I left after 1am  , I was getting tired and didn't want to risk driving poorly.

In the multi-storey before going home

I got home and ate some pizza my youngest had made at school, was about 2am before had my makeup off. I still woke up at 7:30am, so was pretty dead the next day. Still managed to go out for run/walk though, managed some decent 1 km times for my running stints.

Finished 'The left hand of Darkness' in the bath later on - really good read, I wonder what else I have missed reading.

Guilty pleasures

Having spoken to quite a few people in the past months, and told them of my indecision on future plans and my thought that there was no real rush, quite a few have expressed concern that waiting lists are very very long at the moment, and show no signs of getting any better.

So I decided to see if what if anything I could do now, to assist myself in the future if I did want to progress things. Having a past dated deed poll seemed like a good idea - even if I didn't send it off to anyone. I chatted with my wife about it - it didn't go well, there were lots of tears.  I probably didn't handle it very well at all.

She suggested I should get some counselling for dysphoria, I mean it's probably not a bad idea....

I really don't like upsetting her, it did affect my mood for a few days afterwards.

This was on a Wednesday night, after coming back from Asda - I had got dressed primarily to practise my makeup for the LFF on Friday, but decided to pop to Asda and look for fresh figs - the last lot were lovely.

So I wasn't 100% in a brilliant mood for Thursdays Wakefield trans group meetup at the New Union. But I really want to get to know more people and try to get to every other one at least. So I went along, I wore the short blonde wig, but put a clip in , as I knew we would be playing pool, and the fringe does get in the way, even with hair spray. I don't think it looks that good to be honest.

I wore blue jeans and my Vader t-shirt - a day late for the 4th of May - got a compliment on it from a nice lady.

I came 2nd in the pool, I tried a tricky high bridge shot - left handed, this was doomed to failure.

Did poorly in the quiz, and didn't get anything in the bingo.

A new lady had come for her 1st visit, older, she seemed nice, but made some dismissive comment about LFF - along the lines of "old men in short dresses" , which I thought was a little off.

I'm probably at the lower end of the age range of people who attend, but there are younger ones, and some nice looking ladies. I'm more sensitive to people dissing other trans people when it's from within the community than external people, but I guess she's entitled to her opinion. 

She shared her story, she waited for her kids to get to 18 then left home and transitioned, and her advice was perhaps coloured by the fact she waited - in effect not to wait.

I've had advice from others not to do anything at all, and I know plenty at Chams who have made the decision that their relationship was more important to them that that. I'm not really keeping a tally of for and against votes :)

The organiser seems to take new people to one side for a chat on their first visit, she didn't with me on my first as she was talking to another lady who she had not spoken to the previous time.  This week she did the other new lady, I assume she will grab me at some point.  

The atmosphere is a lot different, with it being in a bar with non-trans also wandering around, we talk with others outside the group, the pool game is open to all, so we were playing with other LGB members. Lots of swearing, joking, "breaking balls" as the sopranos would describe it. It's very down to earth.

I got a free slice of pizza too :)

It was a good night anyway - even if I sort of felt guilty for having fun.